Heading Home

We are in the car on the way to the airport hotel. We fly out in the morning. I should be gazing upon the sights of London one last time but instead I am crying and typing a blog post on my iPhone. 

We have been back for three weeks and pulled it all off on that time. It has been crazy. I cried once when I told my prayer group. That was it until today. I picked up Vivian from nursery and watched her say goodbye to her sweet little friend Ivan. She gave him a hug and a kiss goodbye. He said she was going on an aeroplane for a long time. I lost it. I really had a hard time maintaining composure. They are so sweet with each other and love each other so much. I cried because I was sad for them. My heart hurt because it is sad to lose a friend like that forever. I have made good friends here, but none like Vivian and Ivan. Then tonight we left in the cab. Rosemary is a neighbour who was in my prayer group and is one of the most wonderful people I have ever known. She was quite upset we are leaving but offered her house as a staging area for our 18 pieces of luggage. As we pulled away she said he would have a good cry. I started crying again. 

London has been good for us I am sure. It has strengthened the bond between Mark and me. We have supported each other through difficult times and he has demonstrated his love an support through what has undoubtedly been the hardest patch in my life (lucky me to have a pretty easy life). 

I have also worked hard to make friends and build a community here. I have succeeded.  There are things I have learned that I don't even realize yet. I am so excited to be going home but this has been good I know.

I have to publish this now so it doesn't get deleted and Violet is crying but I will finish it later...

It turns out I'm a stress eater

But what is stressful about coordinating and preparing for an international move in three weeks while sick with a hacking cough that won't go away, with two young children and a husband who are all sick, and a baby who doesn't sleep at night?

I guess this level of stress isn't good for me... and not just because of the soaring cortisol level.  I can't keep my act together.  I'm eating terrible food which doesn't help anything, but somehow makes me feel a little bit better.  :(

My sister had a baby

My sister Kristin had a baby yesterday.  Declan Rhys Wurgler O'Brien was born in the morning and is absolutely stunning.

I was able to talk to Kristin shortly after Declan was born and I was completely caught off guard by how emotional I became.  As I was talking to her I heard Declan's squeaky little cry and I lost it.  I started crying so hard.  I got my composure and finished the conversation, but after I hung up I just stood in the middle of my brightly lit kitchen sobbing for quite a long time.  If my neighbours happened to look down into my kitchen windows, I'm sure they would have been quite curious about why I was just standing there crying.

I cried because I am so happy that he is here safe and healthy.  And that my sister is safe and healthy.  I cried because I realised how amazing it is that he is so new and will one day be 5 months like Violet and 3 years like Vivian.  All of that potential and possibility is stored up in his tiny squeaky little self.  I cried because I feel for Kristin and Austin.  They are embarking on the most trying and emotional and difficult and amazing journey of their life.  It is absolutely brutal sometimes and sometimes it's carefree, fun and beautiful.  I also cried a lot because I am so incredibly disappointed to be so incredibly far away from people I love so incredibly much.  It's heart-wrenching.  Truly heart-wrenching.

I'm glad we're here.  I know I'm learning and growing and evolving and improving, but man is it sad to miss out on important things happening to my family!  I keep trying to Seize the Day here.  I try to not dwell on what I'm missing out on but what I'm able to do.  I'm usually quite good at that.  Lately it's been challenging.  And, not only because I'm always exhausted.  It's because I truly, truly, truly wish I was home, holding my new nephew and smelling his gorgeous long, dark hair!

Emily's next.  I hope I recover from this sob session by the time my niece arrives!

An Interesting Article

This article is really well done.  I agree with almost everything the author says.

We did break down and get a dryer though.  It's worth the cost in every single way.  I just can't handle how much time it takes to iron EVERYTHING.  Crunchy towels are nothing compared to hours spent ironing.

Enjoy.

Sleeping

I live in London.  But basically I am just a mom trying my best to raise healthy, well-adjusted kids on minimal sleep.  It's a tough job.  Especially when I'm completely exhausted... which is how I've been for the past 5 months.  Honestly, it has been rough since Violet has been born.  Posterior delivery, tongue tie, severe double mastitis, tongue tie snip, recurrent mastitis, international travel, recurrent tongue tie, second tongue tie snip, Mark traveling to Chicago, 5 months of way too little sleep.

I have to stop myself now to say how thankful I am to have two healthy girls.  A tongue tie is NOTHING on the scheme of things.  It doesn't necessarily feel that way when it feels like someone is stabbing you through the nipple with a hot knife every time you feed your baby though.  Lack of sleep does have a way of making everything seem a lot worse and less manageable than it really is.

This week Mark is in Chicago again.  Last time he was there I was waking Violet up every 3 hours to feed her so that her tongue tie wouldn't reattach.  This time I am training her to sleep through the night again.  It didn't start that way though.  It started with me sobbing for hours because she wouldn't sleep.  Calling my mom sobbing because I was at my wits end.  Snapping at her because she suggested that rocking Violet to sleep every single time she woke up in the night maybe wasn't a good habit.  Turns out she was right.  Yesterday I began a sleep training program where I sit next to her bed and let her lay there and soothe herself.  I can reassure her, pat her back, talk to her and occasionally pick her up if I think it will help, but ultimately I'm teaching her how to put herself back to sleep.  I was really skeptical.  I didn't want to abandon my sweet 5 month old baby when she needed me, so I didn't.  I stayed right there until she fell asleep.  And she did!  After 30 minutes.  She woke up briefly at 9:30 last night and then slept until... wait for it... 4 a.m.  Unbelievable.  I am so excited I can barely stand it.  Now I'm just optimistic enough about the future to not be a wreck.  I'm still tired, but I can handle it if I know that it doesn't have to be like this for the rest of my entire life!

I'm not good when I'm tired.  I'm not sure that anyone is really good, but I'm terrible.  I'm an impatient, frustrated and snappy mom.  I'm weepy and melodramatic and pessimistic and constantly overwhelmed. But I don't have to be this way for long.  Now I can be stable and functioning and patient.

Hooray for hope!  Hooray for sleep!



PS. We're planning a trip to Ireland in the next few weeks.  There will be some more fun travel-y types of posts at that point.

Have a Go

Vivian just said, "I want to have a go." She is picking up so much in nursery. Some is hilarious and some is annoying. I never really thought I would be sad that she isn't picking up "my" culture. To be honest I never thought we even had our own culture till we went somewhere different.

Now she's becoming a proper Brit with accent, idioms and everything. Not such a bad thing I guess... Just not what I ever thought I would be dealing with. Never in a million years did I think I would move out of the country. And here I am. Here we are.

Dinner out with Friends

On Saturday night we went out to dinner with Rosie and her husband.  This was our first time going out as a couple with another couple (aside from when we have family or friends visiting).

I was excited, but my expectations weren't too high.  It's rare to find a couple where you like both the husband and the wife, but we did!  We had a great time!  Rosie is charming and engaging and super sweet.  Her husband is fun and engaging and really fun to be around.  We were so pleased.

Now we get to hang out with them all the time, right?  We can have them over for dinner and they can have us over.  Our girls can grow up together and we can go camping together and SuperBowl parties at each other's houses* and be best friends......... I wish.

The thing is, when you find people here that you really like and you really want to hang out with them more often, they usually have tons of friends already.  Anyone who has really taken me under their wing since I've moved here has done it because they're friendly and are nice to new people.  People like that usually have pretty busy social calendars.  We planned this dinner 3-4 weeks in advance.  It probably won't happen again anytime soon... BUT we had a great time and we're encouraged that there are some people out there that we can hang out with if we coordinate with them far enough in advance. :)

*They don't watch the SuperBowl here.  That is just what I have always thought of as one of the funnest things ever.  I LOVE SuperBowl parties!