I live in London. But basically I am just a mom trying my best to raise healthy, well-adjusted kids on minimal sleep. It's a tough job. Especially when I'm completely exhausted... which is how I've been for the past 5 months. Honestly, it has been rough since Violet has been born. Posterior delivery, tongue tie, severe double mastitis, tongue tie snip, recurrent mastitis, international travel, recurrent tongue tie, second tongue tie snip, Mark traveling to Chicago, 5 months of way too little sleep.
I have to stop myself now to say how thankful I am to have two healthy girls. A tongue tie is NOTHING on the scheme of things. It doesn't necessarily feel that way when it feels like someone is stabbing you through the nipple with a hot knife every time you feed your baby though. Lack of sleep does have a way of making everything seem a lot worse and less manageable than it really is.
This week Mark is in Chicago again. Last time he was there I was waking Violet up every 3 hours to feed her so that her tongue tie wouldn't reattach. This time I am training her to sleep through the night again. It didn't start that way though. It started with me sobbing for hours because she wouldn't sleep. Calling my mom sobbing because I was at my wits end. Snapping at her because she suggested that rocking Violet to sleep every single time she woke up in the night maybe wasn't a good habit. Turns out she was right. Yesterday I began a sleep training program where I sit next to her bed and let her lay there and soothe herself. I can reassure her, pat her back, talk to her and occasionally pick her up if I think it will help, but ultimately I'm teaching her how to put herself back to sleep. I was really skeptical. I didn't want to abandon my sweet 5 month old baby when she needed me, so I didn't. I stayed right there until she fell asleep. And she did! After 30 minutes. She woke up briefly at 9:30 last night and then slept until... wait for it... 4 a.m. Unbelievable. I am so excited I can barely stand it. Now I'm just optimistic enough about the future to not be a wreck. I'm still tired, but I can handle it if I know that it doesn't have to be like this for the rest of my entire life!
I'm not good when I'm tired. I'm not sure that anyone is really good, but I'm terrible. I'm an impatient, frustrated and snappy mom. I'm weepy and melodramatic and pessimistic and constantly overwhelmed. But I don't have to be this way for long. Now I can be stable and functioning and patient.
Hooray for hope! Hooray for sleep!
PS. We're planning a trip to Ireland in the next few weeks. There will be some more fun travel-y types of posts at that point.
Showing posts with label Violet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Violet. Show all posts
12 November 2013
16 October 2013
Now I'm 34
Last Tuesday I turned 34. I spent most of the day feeling sorry for myself because I had to make my own cupcakes and clean the house to get ready for the babysitter so that I could go out to dinner to celebrate my birthday. I was actually really mad for quite a while.
Then a neighbor and friend stopped by with a card to say happy birthday. I told her I was making my own cupcakes and she said that he remembered doing that with her kids. Her daughter decorated her cake and dumped the entire box of silver balls on her cake and it was such a mess. She laughed about the fond memory. Then I talked to my mom. I told her that I would probably be disappointed at dinner because it was my birthday and special occasions often end up being terrible because you expect to have an amazing night out of the house but you end up just fighting because your expectations aren't being met. She told me to just pretend it was any other night so that my expectations weren't too high. Yeah right, Mom.... like that would actually work.
But it did.
I picked up Vivian from nursery and we went to the market to buy decorations for my cupcakes. She picked out pink squeezy tube decorating frosting and blue and green mini M&M type things. She helped me crack the eggs for the cupcakes and stir in the chocolate for the frosting. She licked the beaters. She helped me decorate the cupcakes that ended up being too dense because we over-stirred them... above all, she had a GREAT time.
The thing is, I keep mourning the loss of the life that I used to have... still. Moms of young children don't usually get woken up with breakfast in bed and presents that have been wrapped with ribbons and surprise days at the spa. (Who am I kidding?... no one has birthdays like this...do they?) Moms of young children make their own cupcakes with their children, even though it is incredibly messy and a bit annoying, because baking is super fun for kids. They spend the evening getting the kids in bed so that a babysitter can come and sit on the couch while they go out to dinner.
And, do you know what? I had a FANTASTIC time at dinner with Mark. Why? I decided it was more important to get over myself than to prove a pointless point.
I have a wonderful life. I have two incredible girls who are healthy and happy and smiley and fun. I have an incredible husband who provides for us so well that I can stay home and enjoy those wonderful girls. I have an incredible husband who also comes home every night to help with baths and bed time. He reads a chapter in the Magic Tree House books to Vivian before bed every night and makes her squeal with laughter. He says good night prayers and then sings to her before kissing her goodnight. He places us so high on his list of priorities that he will leave work in a heartbeat to get home if we really need him.
Why would I ruin an awesome opportunity to be out having a great time at an amazing (Michelin Star Rated) restaurant with my favorite person in the world by complaining about how much it sucks that I have to make my own cupcakes?
Luckily I didn't... but I almost did.
Then a neighbor and friend stopped by with a card to say happy birthday. I told her I was making my own cupcakes and she said that he remembered doing that with her kids. Her daughter decorated her cake and dumped the entire box of silver balls on her cake and it was such a mess. She laughed about the fond memory. Then I talked to my mom. I told her that I would probably be disappointed at dinner because it was my birthday and special occasions often end up being terrible because you expect to have an amazing night out of the house but you end up just fighting because your expectations aren't being met. She told me to just pretend it was any other night so that my expectations weren't too high. Yeah right, Mom.... like that would actually work.
But it did.
I picked up Vivian from nursery and we went to the market to buy decorations for my cupcakes. She picked out pink squeezy tube decorating frosting and blue and green mini M&M type things. She helped me crack the eggs for the cupcakes and stir in the chocolate for the frosting. She licked the beaters. She helped me decorate the cupcakes that ended up being too dense because we over-stirred them... above all, she had a GREAT time.
The thing is, I keep mourning the loss of the life that I used to have... still. Moms of young children don't usually get woken up with breakfast in bed and presents that have been wrapped with ribbons and surprise days at the spa. (Who am I kidding?... no one has birthdays like this...do they?) Moms of young children make their own cupcakes with their children, even though it is incredibly messy and a bit annoying, because baking is super fun for kids. They spend the evening getting the kids in bed so that a babysitter can come and sit on the couch while they go out to dinner.
And, do you know what? I had a FANTASTIC time at dinner with Mark. Why? I decided it was more important to get over myself than to prove a pointless point.
I have a wonderful life. I have two incredible girls who are healthy and happy and smiley and fun. I have an incredible husband who provides for us so well that I can stay home and enjoy those wonderful girls. I have an incredible husband who also comes home every night to help with baths and bed time. He reads a chapter in the Magic Tree House books to Vivian before bed every night and makes her squeal with laughter. He says good night prayers and then sings to her before kissing her goodnight. He places us so high on his list of priorities that he will leave work in a heartbeat to get home if we really need him.
Why would I ruin an awesome opportunity to be out having a great time at an amazing (Michelin Star Rated) restaurant with my favorite person in the world by complaining about how much it sucks that I have to make my own cupcakes?
Luckily I didn't... but I almost did.
05 October 2013
Sharing a Room
I am bursting with pride right now, and I think it's a bit of an overreaction.
Yesterday we bought a single bed (really nice bed, really good deal) for Vivian so that we can turn the cot bed (toddler bed) back into a cot (crib) for Violet. We have always intended for them to share a room but I've just been a bit nervous about it. With Vivian I was always so freaked out about her sleep that I wouldn't even enter the room during her nap for fear of waking her up. I never did anything that interfered with her nap schedule and would spend hours online reading about what I should do when something would go awry. She was a generally good sleeper too. I'm pretty sure that my neuroses is the only thing that kept her from sleeping perfectly at all times.
Violet is not so lucky (or is she?). Her schedule has to fit around our life because I don't have the luxury of not going to pick up Viv from nursery if Violet is asleep. She spends a large portion of her life in my Ergo Baby Carrier being toted from home to wherever it is we need to go. And, you know what? She is just as good a sleeper, or maybe even better, than Vivian was... go figure.
So, I was a bit apprehensive about putting them in the same room. To be honest, I wasn't even going to attempt it for a couple of months. But... we got this new bed yesterday and needed to leave the crib in there and figured we might as well try it all at once. The pack n' play is still set up in our room so that we can bring her back in if we need to, but I am optimistic. Last night Violet slept from 7 pm to 5 am without waking up. We, of course, didn't get to sleep through. Vivian wet the bed at 1 so we were up changing sheets, bathing her and begging her to cry a little bit more quietly so that Violet didn't wake up. She didn't cry more quietly and Violet still didn't wake up. Miracle!
Now we just need to get Violet to sleep through the night and Vivian to stay dry during the night. If and when that happens I am seriously going to feel like a million bucks. There just might be a light at the end of this crazy tunnel.
Yesterday we bought a single bed (really nice bed, really good deal) for Vivian so that we can turn the cot bed (toddler bed) back into a cot (crib) for Violet. We have always intended for them to share a room but I've just been a bit nervous about it. With Vivian I was always so freaked out about her sleep that I wouldn't even enter the room during her nap for fear of waking her up. I never did anything that interfered with her nap schedule and would spend hours online reading about what I should do when something would go awry. She was a generally good sleeper too. I'm pretty sure that my neuroses is the only thing that kept her from sleeping perfectly at all times.
Violet is not so lucky (or is she?). Her schedule has to fit around our life because I don't have the luxury of not going to pick up Viv from nursery if Violet is asleep. She spends a large portion of her life in my Ergo Baby Carrier being toted from home to wherever it is we need to go. And, you know what? She is just as good a sleeper, or maybe even better, than Vivian was... go figure.
So, I was a bit apprehensive about putting them in the same room. To be honest, I wasn't even going to attempt it for a couple of months. But... we got this new bed yesterday and needed to leave the crib in there and figured we might as well try it all at once. The pack n' play is still set up in our room so that we can bring her back in if we need to, but I am optimistic. Last night Violet slept from 7 pm to 5 am without waking up. We, of course, didn't get to sleep through. Vivian wet the bed at 1 so we were up changing sheets, bathing her and begging her to cry a little bit more quietly so that Violet didn't wake up. She didn't cry more quietly and Violet still didn't wake up. Miracle!
Now we just need to get Violet to sleep through the night and Vivian to stay dry during the night. If and when that happens I am seriously going to feel like a million bucks. There just might be a light at the end of this crazy tunnel.
02 October 2013
Sleep Makes All the Difference
Last week I almost lost it. Mark stayed home Friday and let me get some sleep and a tiny bit of down time. Throughout the weekend I slowly but surely started feeling better and more able to deal with life. I was proactive about talking with other mums and I don't feel so crazy anymore. Everyone melts down, usually from sheer exhaustion. Everything just seems so much less hopeful when you haven't slept.
Now I am sitting here rocking my sleeping baby while my lovely little preschooler sleeps peacefully in the other room and all seems right with the world. We had a rough evening on our own because Mark had a work function, but I was able to approach it from a stable place because I am only really tired instead of exhausted, or "knackered."
It is funny because going through this has made me really appreciate the community that I have here. The more you work through hard times in your life with people, the more you bond with them. On one hand it is really nice to bond and feel more supported. On the other hand, it makes me nervous because I know it will be harder to leave after going through this here with these friends. I know this is short-sighted, but that is the kind of thing that makes me wish we never would have come. I don't like missing people. I don't like being away from my family in California. I don't like being away from my friends from California or Chicago. I don't like that I can't just drive down to see Emily and ET on a weekend if I want to. ... And now I will have more friends to miss. I guess the only constant is change. Even if we had stayed put it wouldn't have all been perfect. Friends would have moved away from us or something.
Oh well, time to quit analyzing and just let myself be happy when I can and allow myself to admit that being a mom really does suck sometimes... But then it gets good again. :)
19 September 2013
Emergency Contact
Vivian started nursery today. It was a bit anti-climatic for me because they ask that the parents stay with the child on-site until the child is fully adjusted. So, there was no teary goodbye... no goodbye at all. We did take a BOATLOAD of photos though, so that's good.
She had a great time playing with this huge water table that they have. When we first arrived there were toy fish in the water. Then we went upstairs for a new parents meeting and when we came back down the water was full of anatomically correct baby dolls of both genders. Interesting. I'm not sure what message they're sending about swimming, but I'm sure I'll be answering questions about it.
As I was filling out paperwork it asked me to list two emergency contacts in case Mark or I become unavailable and Vivian needs to be picked up. I was stumped. I have no idea who to put down. It's weird that it hit me so hard.
Well, it's 10:15 p.m. and I just finished cleaning the kitchen, folding the laundry and starting the last load in the dryer (it's SOOO nice to have a dryer). I'm WIPED OUT! This two kid thing is pretty exhausting. Today Viv took a nap and I was sure that I would have about 30 minutes in nap overlap to do something really efficiently or maybe sit down for a minute, but nope! Violet woke up as Vivian was finishing up lunch... bummer! No rest for me today. Mark is out at a work dinner so I've been completely on my own for dinner, bath and bed tonight. Not my favorite, but we got through it.
I'm just dawdling now. I need to sleep while I can. Goodnight.
She had a great time playing with this huge water table that they have. When we first arrived there were toy fish in the water. Then we went upstairs for a new parents meeting and when we came back down the water was full of anatomically correct baby dolls of both genders. Interesting. I'm not sure what message they're sending about swimming, but I'm sure I'll be answering questions about it.
As I was filling out paperwork it asked me to list two emergency contacts in case Mark or I become unavailable and Vivian needs to be picked up. I was stumped. I have no idea who to put down. It's weird that it hit me so hard.
Well, it's 10:15 p.m. and I just finished cleaning the kitchen, folding the laundry and starting the last load in the dryer (it's SOOO nice to have a dryer). I'm WIPED OUT! This two kid thing is pretty exhausting. Today Viv took a nap and I was sure that I would have about 30 minutes in nap overlap to do something really efficiently or maybe sit down for a minute, but nope! Violet woke up as Vivian was finishing up lunch... bummer! No rest for me today. Mark is out at a work dinner so I've been completely on my own for dinner, bath and bed tonight. Not my favorite, but we got through it.
I'm just dawdling now. I need to sleep while I can. Goodnight.
17 September 2013
Second Day of Real Life
So, you know what I said last time about life here being easier because we don't have a car? Yeah, go ahead and forget that completely.
Today was our second day of 'real life' after returning from our trip back to America. We woke up at a normal time and got ready for the day as if she was going to nursery. I called it our practice run. We would have been late, but now I know how much time things will actually take.
The morning was nice. We walked by her nursery, went to the post office and then stopped off at Starbucks because I had to feed Violet and it's the only place around that has enough seating that I might actually find a place to sit. I almost never go to Starbucks on principal. Why go to Starbucks when I live in London and could go anywhere else? Well, while I was there (maybe 30 minutes total) I ran into 5 different people that I know. Some of them knew each other, but not all of them. It was crazy. Maybe if I'm feeling lonely and like I don't have friends, I'll just go to Starbucks. :)
Later that day...
I was totally absorbed in organizing the new clothes that I bought for Vivian in my two-day shopping spree and didn't realize that the time was flying by and it was now 30 minutes until ballet started. It was her first day in 'primary' class which means that I wasn't in the room with her. I was worried that it might be upsetting so I wanted to get there early. Ballet is a full mile away from our house and even if I walk by myself at top speed it would still take me 10-12 minutes (considering all of the street crossings etc). We got out of the house at 3:20, made it there by 3:38 and rushed into the changing room only to realize that I had completely forgotten her ballet kit (uniform). I had to ask the teacher to get one for Vivian to borrow which made class start late.
Vivian did great. She didn't cry. Once she saw me looking at her through the window and said, "Hold me, Mama," but that was it. She just pranced around following directions like a champ, from what I saw. Half the time I was sitting on the sofa trying to get Violet to nurse. (She has gotten very picky and will now only really eat while laying down on the bed with me. It's a problem... I think I need to call a specialist.) At one point I tried to talk to someone while she was latched on only to discover a second later that she had pulled off and was completely drenched by the firehose of milk streaming toward her.
After ballet we got all changed and decided that walking a tiny bit farther down the high road toward Tooting was better to do in the late afternoon rain than making a separate trip another time. I got it in my head this morning that I want to knit pink, red, black and white matching scarves for the girls. I haven't knit in at least 2 years and honestly don't know if I will remember how to knit and purl. But, I needed yarn (they call it wool here. If it's cotton, they call it cotton wool. That's what they also call baby wipes...weird) and I needed it at 5 p.m. in the rain, so we walked to the craft store.
As we were leaving the craft store it sunk in that this wasn't a good idea. By the time we got home (and Vivi had walked through all of the puddles in her regular shoes) we were soaked and it was almost 5:30. I rushed to get dinner ready and managed to spill Balsamic vinaigrette on my new white shirt. I took that off to clean it and then spilled pasta sauce on my white tank top and new jeans. Seriously? Vivian managed to drop a bowl of dressing which bounced on the footrest of her chair and splashed all over the dining room. I'll probably be cleaning up drips of it for weeks!
*****
I got distracted writing that post and don't know what I was going to conclude with. It's now Thursday and I had an epiphany tonight. These days life is nonstop. Vivian and Violet keep me on my toes, but routine should help free up some time to actually make a nice dinner or get more than one room of the house clean at a time (right???? Someone please tell me I'm right!). In the meantime, I'm really going to try to stop dwelling on how tired I am and how much work this is, and try to enjoy the little bugs. Today I had a tea party with Vivian and she was so excited! She made me a pretend cake and cut it into pieces with a spoon. She served me pretend cherry tea (with real toy cherries in the cup) and dumped an entire bowl of pretend sugar in my tea. When I woke her up from her nap this afternoon (if I don't wake her up she stays up until 10 or later at night) she just wanted to cuddle. Tonight when I put Violet down, I let her fall asleep in my arms and kissed her fluffy little cheeks a few (ok, about a hundred) times before I laid her down. I've decided that maybe the things that are stressing me out and making me SO incredibly grumpy (you can ask Mark... he will probably be nice about it, but I've been GRUMP-Y the last couple of days) maybe aren't that important.
So... if you come to my house you will see laundry piled up on the kitchen table and counter and stove top, clothes hanging from the drying rack, Violet's activity mat in the middle of the kitchen floor, mail piled up, dirt on the carpet, toys still out in the living room and playroom and water still in the bathtub from Violet's bath 3 hours ago. But, I'm going to bed. If I don't get sleep I will continue being a grump, which makes me a verifiably bad mother.
Today was our second day of 'real life' after returning from our trip back to America. We woke up at a normal time and got ready for the day as if she was going to nursery. I called it our practice run. We would have been late, but now I know how much time things will actually take.
The morning was nice. We walked by her nursery, went to the post office and then stopped off at Starbucks because I had to feed Violet and it's the only place around that has enough seating that I might actually find a place to sit. I almost never go to Starbucks on principal. Why go to Starbucks when I live in London and could go anywhere else? Well, while I was there (maybe 30 minutes total) I ran into 5 different people that I know. Some of them knew each other, but not all of them. It was crazy. Maybe if I'm feeling lonely and like I don't have friends, I'll just go to Starbucks. :)
Later that day...
I was totally absorbed in organizing the new clothes that I bought for Vivian in my two-day shopping spree and didn't realize that the time was flying by and it was now 30 minutes until ballet started. It was her first day in 'primary' class which means that I wasn't in the room with her. I was worried that it might be upsetting so I wanted to get there early. Ballet is a full mile away from our house and even if I walk by myself at top speed it would still take me 10-12 minutes (considering all of the street crossings etc). We got out of the house at 3:20, made it there by 3:38 and rushed into the changing room only to realize that I had completely forgotten her ballet kit (uniform). I had to ask the teacher to get one for Vivian to borrow which made class start late.
Vivian did great. She didn't cry. Once she saw me looking at her through the window and said, "Hold me, Mama," but that was it. She just pranced around following directions like a champ, from what I saw. Half the time I was sitting on the sofa trying to get Violet to nurse. (She has gotten very picky and will now only really eat while laying down on the bed with me. It's a problem... I think I need to call a specialist.) At one point I tried to talk to someone while she was latched on only to discover a second later that she had pulled off and was completely drenched by the firehose of milk streaming toward her.
After ballet we got all changed and decided that walking a tiny bit farther down the high road toward Tooting was better to do in the late afternoon rain than making a separate trip another time. I got it in my head this morning that I want to knit pink, red, black and white matching scarves for the girls. I haven't knit in at least 2 years and honestly don't know if I will remember how to knit and purl. But, I needed yarn (they call it wool here. If it's cotton, they call it cotton wool. That's what they also call baby wipes...weird) and I needed it at 5 p.m. in the rain, so we walked to the craft store.
As we were leaving the craft store it sunk in that this wasn't a good idea. By the time we got home (and Vivi had walked through all of the puddles in her regular shoes) we were soaked and it was almost 5:30. I rushed to get dinner ready and managed to spill Balsamic vinaigrette on my new white shirt. I took that off to clean it and then spilled pasta sauce on my white tank top and new jeans. Seriously? Vivian managed to drop a bowl of dressing which bounced on the footrest of her chair and splashed all over the dining room. I'll probably be cleaning up drips of it for weeks!
*****
I got distracted writing that post and don't know what I was going to conclude with. It's now Thursday and I had an epiphany tonight. These days life is nonstop. Vivian and Violet keep me on my toes, but routine should help free up some time to actually make a nice dinner or get more than one room of the house clean at a time (right???? Someone please tell me I'm right!). In the meantime, I'm really going to try to stop dwelling on how tired I am and how much work this is, and try to enjoy the little bugs. Today I had a tea party with Vivian and she was so excited! She made me a pretend cake and cut it into pieces with a spoon. She served me pretend cherry tea (with real toy cherries in the cup) and dumped an entire bowl of pretend sugar in my tea. When I woke her up from her nap this afternoon (if I don't wake her up she stays up until 10 or later at night) she just wanted to cuddle. Tonight when I put Violet down, I let her fall asleep in my arms and kissed her fluffy little cheeks a few (ok, about a hundred) times before I laid her down. I've decided that maybe the things that are stressing me out and making me SO incredibly grumpy (you can ask Mark... he will probably be nice about it, but I've been GRUMP-Y the last couple of days) maybe aren't that important.
So... if you come to my house you will see laundry piled up on the kitchen table and counter and stove top, clothes hanging from the drying rack, Violet's activity mat in the middle of the kitchen floor, mail piled up, dirt on the carpet, toys still out in the living room and playroom and water still in the bathtub from Violet's bath 3 hours ago. But, I'm going to bed. If I don't get sleep I will continue being a grump, which makes me a verifiably bad mother.
15 September 2013
Back in London
We returned home on Friday afternoon to a completely overgrown garden. To be fair the garden was slightly overgrown when we left, but now it looks like the vines have taken over. The climbing rose bush that covers the east wall of the garden has shoots about an inch in diameter that are arching more than halfway over the width of the garden. It's crazy out there. As soon as it stops raining for more than 5 minutes I'll put on my protective clothing and go brave the thorny vines.
We were also apparently welcomed home by either a tribe of mice or one very busy mouse. A bunch of the dry goods in our pantry were nibbled through. In addition to obvious mouse activity we found the tiny little crawling wormy bugs that hatch into moths. If there is one thing that my mother has taught me, it's that you don't mess around when it comes to getting moths. Therefore... we threw away ALL of our dry goods. It was so sad. Flour, sugar, nuts and seeds, oats, rice. I was disappointed but it is nice to get the cupboards cleaned out and scrubbed down (does that make me neurotic?).
So, after inspecting, tossing, scrubbing, moving and replacing all of the food in our kitchen, we are now getting back to the task at hand - unpacking, laundry, and of course, reminiscing about the wonderful time that we had with family and friends in the States.
We are so fortunate to be surrounded by wonderful families as well as irreplaceable friends. Flying home on Thursday night was hard for me. I cried on the plane during takeoff while I nursed Violet. I had to be sneaky about it because it was 9 p.m. and Vivian was tired... plus, she's really sensitive to begin with. I was just so sad to be leaving a place that is so comfortable for me and people that are so dear to me.
The things that stuck out in my mind as we travelled around the US were a bit less drastic than they were the first time around. Mostly things felt comfortable to me. I felt like I was home and was pretty sure I would be just fine never coming back to London.
It did strike me a bit that there are so many incredibly fat people in America. I mean HUGE. We were in Wisconsin at the Burnett County Dairy getting ice cream cones and there was a family there that was enormous. Every member of the family was individually huge and they were all eating double and triple scoops. It was very American. You just don't see people that big over here. England is probably one of the fatter European countries and you still never see people like that.
I also was struck by how many people drive just down the road when they could just walk. Having to get a baby in and out of her carseat and then in and out of the device with which to carry her when she's not in the car is quite work intensive. It made me actually appreciate that about where I live now. I don't have a car so there are a few things that are more difficult (Costco runs, grocery shopping, shopping for clothes, getting somewhere quickly... okay, a lot of things). What is easier now, though is toting a baby around. We leave the house with the buggy, the Ergo or Baby Bjorn, the diaper bag and the girls. We don't have to re-configure anything once we get to the grocery store or the library. We just walk in the same way that we left our house. That is nice at this stage of my life. If Violet slept better in a carseat maybe I would feel differently.
I did a lot of shopping while I was in California and Chicago. I think that some people might think I'm a little crazy because I was so nutso about shopping, but in my defense, I have been pregnant for a while and it's always nice to buy clothes once you're not huge anymore. Also, London is quite expensive and since I don't have a car it is difficult to get anywhere during a reasonable period of time without the girls. I could have done it when it was just Vivian, but once again, I was pregnant. Plus, I like the stores that I like with the sizes that fit me and the styles that agree with me. Therefore, I went to Eddie Bauer, Von Maur, TJ Maxx, Target, Dillards and Old Navy. I returned home with a pretty decent haul and am feeling quite stylish already! At church I got compliments on my new floral print button down shirt... Yay! Now I just need to find the perfect boots and I'll be set for all of winter.
Speaking of church, we went back today. We were almost 20 minutes late, but better late than never, right? It was really nice because people were so excited to see us. It's nice to be part of a community like this. I have noticed that we have our own little cliques at church... we don't talk to every single person, but we do talk to quite a few. Maybe one of my goals can be expanding my circle. I need to continue practicing being the person I want to be.
When we were in Stockton, we went to the church that I grew up attending. I was pretty optimistic about how I would find it since we have been going to church so regularly here. I thought that some of the skepticism and doubt that I had about my home church prior to moving to England would have abated now that we've been attending C of E regularly. I was wrong. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I was very disappointed in my experience. I felt that I was not welcome because of my children and I felt that any viewpoint other than the one stated from the pulpit was not only unwelcome but condemned. As a result I began questioning whether all of the nice people that I grew up admiring and loving were actually what they seemed to be. I guess I shouldn't judge people that way. My parents were there too, and I don't think they fit the mold that I have created based on that experience.
Now that we're back in London I have to admit that it's nice. This is our home now. We have a nice house, a great neighbourhood, a wonderful church community and a good routine. Vivian starts school at the local nursery (pre-school) on Thursday. Once that happens we will be getting into a pretty solid and unchanging groove for a while. That will be nice. Our weekends and half-term breaks we can spend fighting the English crowds at desirable European destinations. Now that Vivi is in school we are going to be tied down for the next 20 years (GULP). That makes me a bit nervous, but people do it all the time, right? That is my comfort for everything... child rearing included, which is a whole 'nuther' story!
We were also apparently welcomed home by either a tribe of mice or one very busy mouse. A bunch of the dry goods in our pantry were nibbled through. In addition to obvious mouse activity we found the tiny little crawling wormy bugs that hatch into moths. If there is one thing that my mother has taught me, it's that you don't mess around when it comes to getting moths. Therefore... we threw away ALL of our dry goods. It was so sad. Flour, sugar, nuts and seeds, oats, rice. I was disappointed but it is nice to get the cupboards cleaned out and scrubbed down (does that make me neurotic?).
So, after inspecting, tossing, scrubbing, moving and replacing all of the food in our kitchen, we are now getting back to the task at hand - unpacking, laundry, and of course, reminiscing about the wonderful time that we had with family and friends in the States.
We are so fortunate to be surrounded by wonderful families as well as irreplaceable friends. Flying home on Thursday night was hard for me. I cried on the plane during takeoff while I nursed Violet. I had to be sneaky about it because it was 9 p.m. and Vivian was tired... plus, she's really sensitive to begin with. I was just so sad to be leaving a place that is so comfortable for me and people that are so dear to me.
The things that stuck out in my mind as we travelled around the US were a bit less drastic than they were the first time around. Mostly things felt comfortable to me. I felt like I was home and was pretty sure I would be just fine never coming back to London.
It did strike me a bit that there are so many incredibly fat people in America. I mean HUGE. We were in Wisconsin at the Burnett County Dairy getting ice cream cones and there was a family there that was enormous. Every member of the family was individually huge and they were all eating double and triple scoops. It was very American. You just don't see people that big over here. England is probably one of the fatter European countries and you still never see people like that.
I also was struck by how many people drive just down the road when they could just walk. Having to get a baby in and out of her carseat and then in and out of the device with which to carry her when she's not in the car is quite work intensive. It made me actually appreciate that about where I live now. I don't have a car so there are a few things that are more difficult (Costco runs, grocery shopping, shopping for clothes, getting somewhere quickly... okay, a lot of things). What is easier now, though is toting a baby around. We leave the house with the buggy, the Ergo or Baby Bjorn, the diaper bag and the girls. We don't have to re-configure anything once we get to the grocery store or the library. We just walk in the same way that we left our house. That is nice at this stage of my life. If Violet slept better in a carseat maybe I would feel differently.
I did a lot of shopping while I was in California and Chicago. I think that some people might think I'm a little crazy because I was so nutso about shopping, but in my defense, I have been pregnant for a while and it's always nice to buy clothes once you're not huge anymore. Also, London is quite expensive and since I don't have a car it is difficult to get anywhere during a reasonable period of time without the girls. I could have done it when it was just Vivian, but once again, I was pregnant. Plus, I like the stores that I like with the sizes that fit me and the styles that agree with me. Therefore, I went to Eddie Bauer, Von Maur, TJ Maxx, Target, Dillards and Old Navy. I returned home with a pretty decent haul and am feeling quite stylish already! At church I got compliments on my new floral print button down shirt... Yay! Now I just need to find the perfect boots and I'll be set for all of winter.
Speaking of church, we went back today. We were almost 20 minutes late, but better late than never, right? It was really nice because people were so excited to see us. It's nice to be part of a community like this. I have noticed that we have our own little cliques at church... we don't talk to every single person, but we do talk to quite a few. Maybe one of my goals can be expanding my circle. I need to continue practicing being the person I want to be.
When we were in Stockton, we went to the church that I grew up attending. I was pretty optimistic about how I would find it since we have been going to church so regularly here. I thought that some of the skepticism and doubt that I had about my home church prior to moving to England would have abated now that we've been attending C of E regularly. I was wrong. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I was very disappointed in my experience. I felt that I was not welcome because of my children and I felt that any viewpoint other than the one stated from the pulpit was not only unwelcome but condemned. As a result I began questioning whether all of the nice people that I grew up admiring and loving were actually what they seemed to be. I guess I shouldn't judge people that way. My parents were there too, and I don't think they fit the mold that I have created based on that experience.
Now that we're back in London I have to admit that it's nice. This is our home now. We have a nice house, a great neighbourhood, a wonderful church community and a good routine. Vivian starts school at the local nursery (pre-school) on Thursday. Once that happens we will be getting into a pretty solid and unchanging groove for a while. That will be nice. Our weekends and half-term breaks we can spend fighting the English crowds at desirable European destinations. Now that Vivi is in school we are going to be tied down for the next 20 years (GULP). That makes me a bit nervous, but people do it all the time, right? That is my comfort for everything... child rearing included, which is a whole 'nuther' story!
22 August 2013
Back in the USA
I didn't think much about my reaction to things back in the US during this trip home. We've been home once and there were a few things that struck me, but it wasn't very drastic, so I thought this time would be the same. So far, it is with one exception... I was totally thrown off my the driver being on the left side of the car. Can you believe it? When we got into the car that picked us up to take us home last night I got in and did a double take. Then I got totally freaked out that it threw me off. It was a weird experience, and I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was tired, probably dehydrated and very busy trying to get both of my exhausted girls into a huge SUV. We don't have a car in London and drive maybe once a month to go to Costco or maybe on a trip out of the city. I am just really surprised that I've grown so used to that in particular.
Our flight was pretty good. Neither of us expected to get to sleep which was a good expectation to have because it was impossible. We left the house at 11 a.m. in London and arrived at Mark's parents house at 1:30 a.m. London time. That is a 13 hour trip which is not bad at all considering that we did what used to take people a year or so to do! It is, however, a long trip for a 3 year old that had no nap and only slept for one hour on the plane on my lap. Thank goodness for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the iPad.
We did have a couple of mishaps on the plane. First, Vivian dumped a cup of water on herself and we had to strip her down and change her clothes (luckily I brought extra clothes for her). Second, Vivian knocked her ENTIRE tray of dinner on the floor upside down. It was an accident and I decided to not use it as a teaching moment, so I got down on the ground with Violet in the Baby Bjorn and scraped chicken, green beans and their sauce out of the carpet. Fun. Third, while trying to help adjust Vivian's new "kid-sized" headphones I poked her right in the eye. She was a bit of a (loud) mess for a little while and I felt really bad.
Now we're at Mark's parents house. Everything is wonderful and comfortable and set up so nicely for us and I can't sleep. Vivian went to sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow around 8 and we haven't heard a peep from her since. She's sleeping in a big bed too, so I thought it might be a problem... NOPE! She's so wiped out. Violet has been great... just sleeping like a baby, which is a bit less restful than it sounds. Mark is generally a good sleeper, but both of us were wide awake and got the giggles around 4 a.m. It's amazing what kinds of things are absolutely hilarious when you're exhausted and have a tiny baby staring at you with huge owl eyes in the middle of the night.
I can't wait to see beloved family and friends... I have been so excited to come home and refill my reserves!
Our flight was pretty good. Neither of us expected to get to sleep which was a good expectation to have because it was impossible. We left the house at 11 a.m. in London and arrived at Mark's parents house at 1:30 a.m. London time. That is a 13 hour trip which is not bad at all considering that we did what used to take people a year or so to do! It is, however, a long trip for a 3 year old that had no nap and only slept for one hour on the plane on my lap. Thank goodness for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the iPad.
We did have a couple of mishaps on the plane. First, Vivian dumped a cup of water on herself and we had to strip her down and change her clothes (luckily I brought extra clothes for her). Second, Vivian knocked her ENTIRE tray of dinner on the floor upside down. It was an accident and I decided to not use it as a teaching moment, so I got down on the ground with Violet in the Baby Bjorn and scraped chicken, green beans and their sauce out of the carpet. Fun. Third, while trying to help adjust Vivian's new "kid-sized" headphones I poked her right in the eye. She was a bit of a (loud) mess for a little while and I felt really bad.
Now we're at Mark's parents house. Everything is wonderful and comfortable and set up so nicely for us and I can't sleep. Vivian went to sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow around 8 and we haven't heard a peep from her since. She's sleeping in a big bed too, so I thought it might be a problem... NOPE! She's so wiped out. Violet has been great... just sleeping like a baby, which is a bit less restful than it sounds. Mark is generally a good sleeper, but both of us were wide awake and got the giggles around 4 a.m. It's amazing what kinds of things are absolutely hilarious when you're exhausted and have a tiny baby staring at you with huge owl eyes in the middle of the night.
I can't wait to see beloved family and friends... I have been so excited to come home and refill my reserves!
13 August 2013
Violet's Birth
Violet Elizabeth Wurgler Adams was born on the 7th of June at 4:29 a.m. She was 8 days late. Before her birth I was getting really antsy about having the baby and wanted to get on with things. My mom gave me some great advice. She said that my life would be a lot more complicated once the baby came, so I should take advantage of the time while I had it and make a list of things that would be nice to get done if I could. I did! I got my hair cut, made some banana bread and generally relaxed. I felt much better once I just chilled out.
I will tell the nitty gritty NHS details in another post because otherwise this one would get way too long and I don't have chunks of time long enough to write posts like that anymore.
So, when I went into labour on Wednesday night around 11:30 p.m. I didn't wake up Mark because I wanted him to at least be well rested. I barely slept because I thought that things might happen really quickly this time around... they did not. My contractions were fairly regular all night and Thursday morning until Vivian woke up. That day I had Mark stay home thinking we would be having the baby any time. We went out to breakfast as a family of three and then sent Vivian to our neighbour and friend down the street. Nothing happened.
We picked Vivian up from our friend's house because she couldn't stay overnight there and put her to bed at home. As soon as she was in bed I started having more intense contractions and they were fairly regular. Our friend Rosie came over around 9 and we went to the hospital around 9:30. (Refer to the post about Violet's Birth and the NHS for the rest of this story... if you want to.) Violet was born at 4:29 a.m. and we were home by 4:30 p.m. to pick up Vivian. Rosie was amazing.
Rosie is an English woman who I met through the playgroup that I help with at church. When I told her I was pregnant in September I mentioned that I was nervous because I didn't know what to do with Vivian. She was so excited. She really wanted to be the one to come over and watch Vivian when I went into labour. She said that she didn't have anyone to watch her oldest daughter when her youngest was born and she wanted to be able to do that for someone. I have since learned that she is just an extremely helpful, loving and generous person. She is always doing nice things for people.
When we arrived home, Rosie was sitting on the front porch with Vivian and her two girls, Beatrice and Isabel. Vivian was super happy and had been having a blast. What a blessing! It was so wonderful to not need to worry about Viv while we were at the hospital.
Right after we introduced Vivian to the baby (she wasn't named until she was 8 days old) we presented her with the gift that the baby had bought for Vivian. It was a brand new pink scooter. It was wrapped up in sparkly silver paper that Viv had a great time ripping open. She was SOOO excited! She started scooting around the house (of course we had to set up some rules right away. No scooting in the house.) We talked her into presenting her gifts to the baby before she went out scooting with her dad. Mark took her out scooting for quite a while and I sat on the couch gazing at my sweet newborn baby girl. I was so happy.
I will tell the nitty gritty NHS details in another post because otherwise this one would get way too long and I don't have chunks of time long enough to write posts like that anymore.
So, when I went into labour on Wednesday night around 11:30 p.m. I didn't wake up Mark because I wanted him to at least be well rested. I barely slept because I thought that things might happen really quickly this time around... they did not. My contractions were fairly regular all night and Thursday morning until Vivian woke up. That day I had Mark stay home thinking we would be having the baby any time. We went out to breakfast as a family of three and then sent Vivian to our neighbour and friend down the street. Nothing happened.
We picked Vivian up from our friend's house because she couldn't stay overnight there and put her to bed at home. As soon as she was in bed I started having more intense contractions and they were fairly regular. Our friend Rosie came over around 9 and we went to the hospital around 9:30. (Refer to the post about Violet's Birth and the NHS for the rest of this story... if you want to.) Violet was born at 4:29 a.m. and we were home by 4:30 p.m. to pick up Vivian. Rosie was amazing.
Rosie is an English woman who I met through the playgroup that I help with at church. When I told her I was pregnant in September I mentioned that I was nervous because I didn't know what to do with Vivian. She was so excited. She really wanted to be the one to come over and watch Vivian when I went into labour. She said that she didn't have anyone to watch her oldest daughter when her youngest was born and she wanted to be able to do that for someone. I have since learned that she is just an extremely helpful, loving and generous person. She is always doing nice things for people.
When we arrived home, Rosie was sitting on the front porch with Vivian and her two girls, Beatrice and Isabel. Vivian was super happy and had been having a blast. What a blessing! It was so wonderful to not need to worry about Viv while we were at the hospital.
Right after we introduced Vivian to the baby (she wasn't named until she was 8 days old) we presented her with the gift that the baby had bought for Vivian. It was a brand new pink scooter. It was wrapped up in sparkly silver paper that Viv had a great time ripping open. She was SOOO excited! She started scooting around the house (of course we had to set up some rules right away. No scooting in the house.) We talked her into presenting her gifts to the baby before she went out scooting with her dad. Mark took her out scooting for quite a while and I sat on the couch gazing at my sweet newborn baby girl. I was so happy.
11 August 2013
Status Update
At the end of my last blog post I said, "I will keep you posted." Well... it's been almost 3 months since that post and I have obviously not kept you posted. Sorry!
Violet Elizabeth was born on the 7th of June at St. George's Hospital. I will write a separate post about the birth experience with the NHS. It will be revisionist history, but I'll do my best.
Right now I want to record what's going on currently.
First off, Mark got his UK drivers license on Friday! It was a lot of work and he was really nervous that he wouldn't pass, but he did on his first try! Prior to taking the practical driving test, he had to pass the theory test and do 5 hours of driving practice with an instructor. They don't mess around here.
We booked a Zipcar for Saturday so that we could celebrate by driving around... and we did. The first place I wanted to go was Costco. I realize how ridiculous this is! I guess you can take the girl out of America, but you can't take away her love of huge warehouses filled with consumer goods in bulk. Perhaps I should do some self-examination.
Speaking of self-examination, since Violet's birth I have become quite homesick again. It makes me sad to be raising my kids far away from our family and friends. Even in Chicago I missed being close to my family, but at least we could get there relatively easily and without exorbitant cost. Now in order to come home we have to pay £3,000 minimum and plan for 2-3 weeks for it to make sense. It's just harder. I'm really trying to suck the marrow out of life while we're here. I want to live in the moment and enjoy where we are and all of the things we can access from our home base. But... it's is really stinking hard to suck the marrow out of life abroad with two small children. Every time we have a chance to travel, I want to come home to see my family. When we have free weekends, we enjoy driving to nearby attractions within England, but the thought of packing up all four of us for a few days in a foreign country doesn't really appeal to me all that much. Don't worry... we're going to do it anyway. We're making a list of the places we want to see before we move and we're going to do our best to get there... it's just quite challenging.
At this point, we're probably here for about 1-2 more years. It could definitely be longer if we wanted it to be, but like I've mentioned above, we miss our family and friends!
Violet Elizabeth was born on the 7th of June at St. George's Hospital. I will write a separate post about the birth experience with the NHS. It will be revisionist history, but I'll do my best.
Right now I want to record what's going on currently.
First off, Mark got his UK drivers license on Friday! It was a lot of work and he was really nervous that he wouldn't pass, but he did on his first try! Prior to taking the practical driving test, he had to pass the theory test and do 5 hours of driving practice with an instructor. They don't mess around here.
We booked a Zipcar for Saturday so that we could celebrate by driving around... and we did. The first place I wanted to go was Costco. I realize how ridiculous this is! I guess you can take the girl out of America, but you can't take away her love of huge warehouses filled with consumer goods in bulk. Perhaps I should do some self-examination.
Speaking of self-examination, since Violet's birth I have become quite homesick again. It makes me sad to be raising my kids far away from our family and friends. Even in Chicago I missed being close to my family, but at least we could get there relatively easily and without exorbitant cost. Now in order to come home we have to pay £3,000 minimum and plan for 2-3 weeks for it to make sense. It's just harder. I'm really trying to suck the marrow out of life while we're here. I want to live in the moment and enjoy where we are and all of the things we can access from our home base. But... it's is really stinking hard to suck the marrow out of life abroad with two small children. Every time we have a chance to travel, I want to come home to see my family. When we have free weekends, we enjoy driving to nearby attractions within England, but the thought of packing up all four of us for a few days in a foreign country doesn't really appeal to me all that much. Don't worry... we're going to do it anyway. We're making a list of the places we want to see before we move and we're going to do our best to get there... it's just quite challenging.
At this point, we're probably here for about 1-2 more years. It could definitely be longer if we wanted it to be, but like I've mentioned above, we miss our family and friends!
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