On Saturday night we went out to dinner with Rosie and her husband. This was our first time going out as a couple with another couple (aside from when we have family or friends visiting).
I was excited, but my expectations weren't too high. It's rare to find a couple where you like both the husband and the wife, but we did! We had a great time! Rosie is charming and engaging and super sweet. Her husband is fun and engaging and really fun to be around. We were so pleased.
Now we get to hang out with them all the time, right? We can have them over for dinner and they can have us over. Our girls can grow up together and we can go camping together and SuperBowl parties at each other's houses* and be best friends......... I wish.
The thing is, when you find people here that you really like and you really want to hang out with them more often, they usually have tons of friends already. Anyone who has really taken me under their wing since I've moved here has done it because they're friendly and are nice to new people. People like that usually have pretty busy social calendars. We planned this dinner 3-4 weeks in advance. It probably won't happen again anytime soon... BUT we had a great time and we're encouraged that there are some people out there that we can hang out with if we coordinate with them far enough in advance. :)
*They don't watch the SuperBowl here. That is just what I have always thought of as one of the funnest things ever. I LOVE SuperBowl parties!
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
16 October 2013
02 October 2013
Sleep Makes All the Difference
Last week I almost lost it. Mark stayed home Friday and let me get some sleep and a tiny bit of down time. Throughout the weekend I slowly but surely started feeling better and more able to deal with life. I was proactive about talking with other mums and I don't feel so crazy anymore. Everyone melts down, usually from sheer exhaustion. Everything just seems so much less hopeful when you haven't slept.
Now I am sitting here rocking my sleeping baby while my lovely little preschooler sleeps peacefully in the other room and all seems right with the world. We had a rough evening on our own because Mark had a work function, but I was able to approach it from a stable place because I am only really tired instead of exhausted, or "knackered."
It is funny because going through this has made me really appreciate the community that I have here. The more you work through hard times in your life with people, the more you bond with them. On one hand it is really nice to bond and feel more supported. On the other hand, it makes me nervous because I know it will be harder to leave after going through this here with these friends. I know this is short-sighted, but that is the kind of thing that makes me wish we never would have come. I don't like missing people. I don't like being away from my family in California. I don't like being away from my friends from California or Chicago. I don't like that I can't just drive down to see Emily and ET on a weekend if I want to. ... And now I will have more friends to miss. I guess the only constant is change. Even if we had stayed put it wouldn't have all been perfect. Friends would have moved away from us or something.
Oh well, time to quit analyzing and just let myself be happy when I can and allow myself to admit that being a mom really does suck sometimes... But then it gets good again. :)
17 September 2013
Second Day of Real Life
So, you know what I said last time about life here being easier because we don't have a car? Yeah, go ahead and forget that completely.
Today was our second day of 'real life' after returning from our trip back to America. We woke up at a normal time and got ready for the day as if she was going to nursery. I called it our practice run. We would have been late, but now I know how much time things will actually take.
The morning was nice. We walked by her nursery, went to the post office and then stopped off at Starbucks because I had to feed Violet and it's the only place around that has enough seating that I might actually find a place to sit. I almost never go to Starbucks on principal. Why go to Starbucks when I live in London and could go anywhere else? Well, while I was there (maybe 30 minutes total) I ran into 5 different people that I know. Some of them knew each other, but not all of them. It was crazy. Maybe if I'm feeling lonely and like I don't have friends, I'll just go to Starbucks. :)
Later that day...
I was totally absorbed in organizing the new clothes that I bought for Vivian in my two-day shopping spree and didn't realize that the time was flying by and it was now 30 minutes until ballet started. It was her first day in 'primary' class which means that I wasn't in the room with her. I was worried that it might be upsetting so I wanted to get there early. Ballet is a full mile away from our house and even if I walk by myself at top speed it would still take me 10-12 minutes (considering all of the street crossings etc). We got out of the house at 3:20, made it there by 3:38 and rushed into the changing room only to realize that I had completely forgotten her ballet kit (uniform). I had to ask the teacher to get one for Vivian to borrow which made class start late.
Vivian did great. She didn't cry. Once she saw me looking at her through the window and said, "Hold me, Mama," but that was it. She just pranced around following directions like a champ, from what I saw. Half the time I was sitting on the sofa trying to get Violet to nurse. (She has gotten very picky and will now only really eat while laying down on the bed with me. It's a problem... I think I need to call a specialist.) At one point I tried to talk to someone while she was latched on only to discover a second later that she had pulled off and was completely drenched by the firehose of milk streaming toward her.
After ballet we got all changed and decided that walking a tiny bit farther down the high road toward Tooting was better to do in the late afternoon rain than making a separate trip another time. I got it in my head this morning that I want to knit pink, red, black and white matching scarves for the girls. I haven't knit in at least 2 years and honestly don't know if I will remember how to knit and purl. But, I needed yarn (they call it wool here. If it's cotton, they call it cotton wool. That's what they also call baby wipes...weird) and I needed it at 5 p.m. in the rain, so we walked to the craft store.
As we were leaving the craft store it sunk in that this wasn't a good idea. By the time we got home (and Vivi had walked through all of the puddles in her regular shoes) we were soaked and it was almost 5:30. I rushed to get dinner ready and managed to spill Balsamic vinaigrette on my new white shirt. I took that off to clean it and then spilled pasta sauce on my white tank top and new jeans. Seriously? Vivian managed to drop a bowl of dressing which bounced on the footrest of her chair and splashed all over the dining room. I'll probably be cleaning up drips of it for weeks!
*****
I got distracted writing that post and don't know what I was going to conclude with. It's now Thursday and I had an epiphany tonight. These days life is nonstop. Vivian and Violet keep me on my toes, but routine should help free up some time to actually make a nice dinner or get more than one room of the house clean at a time (right???? Someone please tell me I'm right!). In the meantime, I'm really going to try to stop dwelling on how tired I am and how much work this is, and try to enjoy the little bugs. Today I had a tea party with Vivian and she was so excited! She made me a pretend cake and cut it into pieces with a spoon. She served me pretend cherry tea (with real toy cherries in the cup) and dumped an entire bowl of pretend sugar in my tea. When I woke her up from her nap this afternoon (if I don't wake her up she stays up until 10 or later at night) she just wanted to cuddle. Tonight when I put Violet down, I let her fall asleep in my arms and kissed her fluffy little cheeks a few (ok, about a hundred) times before I laid her down. I've decided that maybe the things that are stressing me out and making me SO incredibly grumpy (you can ask Mark... he will probably be nice about it, but I've been GRUMP-Y the last couple of days) maybe aren't that important.
So... if you come to my house you will see laundry piled up on the kitchen table and counter and stove top, clothes hanging from the drying rack, Violet's activity mat in the middle of the kitchen floor, mail piled up, dirt on the carpet, toys still out in the living room and playroom and water still in the bathtub from Violet's bath 3 hours ago. But, I'm going to bed. If I don't get sleep I will continue being a grump, which makes me a verifiably bad mother.
Today was our second day of 'real life' after returning from our trip back to America. We woke up at a normal time and got ready for the day as if she was going to nursery. I called it our practice run. We would have been late, but now I know how much time things will actually take.
The morning was nice. We walked by her nursery, went to the post office and then stopped off at Starbucks because I had to feed Violet and it's the only place around that has enough seating that I might actually find a place to sit. I almost never go to Starbucks on principal. Why go to Starbucks when I live in London and could go anywhere else? Well, while I was there (maybe 30 minutes total) I ran into 5 different people that I know. Some of them knew each other, but not all of them. It was crazy. Maybe if I'm feeling lonely and like I don't have friends, I'll just go to Starbucks. :)
Later that day...
I was totally absorbed in organizing the new clothes that I bought for Vivian in my two-day shopping spree and didn't realize that the time was flying by and it was now 30 minutes until ballet started. It was her first day in 'primary' class which means that I wasn't in the room with her. I was worried that it might be upsetting so I wanted to get there early. Ballet is a full mile away from our house and even if I walk by myself at top speed it would still take me 10-12 minutes (considering all of the street crossings etc). We got out of the house at 3:20, made it there by 3:38 and rushed into the changing room only to realize that I had completely forgotten her ballet kit (uniform). I had to ask the teacher to get one for Vivian to borrow which made class start late.
Vivian did great. She didn't cry. Once she saw me looking at her through the window and said, "Hold me, Mama," but that was it. She just pranced around following directions like a champ, from what I saw. Half the time I was sitting on the sofa trying to get Violet to nurse. (She has gotten very picky and will now only really eat while laying down on the bed with me. It's a problem... I think I need to call a specialist.) At one point I tried to talk to someone while she was latched on only to discover a second later that she had pulled off and was completely drenched by the firehose of milk streaming toward her.
After ballet we got all changed and decided that walking a tiny bit farther down the high road toward Tooting was better to do in the late afternoon rain than making a separate trip another time. I got it in my head this morning that I want to knit pink, red, black and white matching scarves for the girls. I haven't knit in at least 2 years and honestly don't know if I will remember how to knit and purl. But, I needed yarn (they call it wool here. If it's cotton, they call it cotton wool. That's what they also call baby wipes...weird) and I needed it at 5 p.m. in the rain, so we walked to the craft store.
As we were leaving the craft store it sunk in that this wasn't a good idea. By the time we got home (and Vivi had walked through all of the puddles in her regular shoes) we were soaked and it was almost 5:30. I rushed to get dinner ready and managed to spill Balsamic vinaigrette on my new white shirt. I took that off to clean it and then spilled pasta sauce on my white tank top and new jeans. Seriously? Vivian managed to drop a bowl of dressing which bounced on the footrest of her chair and splashed all over the dining room. I'll probably be cleaning up drips of it for weeks!
*****
I got distracted writing that post and don't know what I was going to conclude with. It's now Thursday and I had an epiphany tonight. These days life is nonstop. Vivian and Violet keep me on my toes, but routine should help free up some time to actually make a nice dinner or get more than one room of the house clean at a time (right???? Someone please tell me I'm right!). In the meantime, I'm really going to try to stop dwelling on how tired I am and how much work this is, and try to enjoy the little bugs. Today I had a tea party with Vivian and she was so excited! She made me a pretend cake and cut it into pieces with a spoon. She served me pretend cherry tea (with real toy cherries in the cup) and dumped an entire bowl of pretend sugar in my tea. When I woke her up from her nap this afternoon (if I don't wake her up she stays up until 10 or later at night) she just wanted to cuddle. Tonight when I put Violet down, I let her fall asleep in my arms and kissed her fluffy little cheeks a few (ok, about a hundred) times before I laid her down. I've decided that maybe the things that are stressing me out and making me SO incredibly grumpy (you can ask Mark... he will probably be nice about it, but I've been GRUMP-Y the last couple of days) maybe aren't that important.
So... if you come to my house you will see laundry piled up on the kitchen table and counter and stove top, clothes hanging from the drying rack, Violet's activity mat in the middle of the kitchen floor, mail piled up, dirt on the carpet, toys still out in the living room and playroom and water still in the bathtub from Violet's bath 3 hours ago. But, I'm going to bed. If I don't get sleep I will continue being a grump, which makes me a verifiably bad mother.
13 August 2013
Violet's Birth
Violet Elizabeth Wurgler Adams was born on the 7th of June at 4:29 a.m. She was 8 days late. Before her birth I was getting really antsy about having the baby and wanted to get on with things. My mom gave me some great advice. She said that my life would be a lot more complicated once the baby came, so I should take advantage of the time while I had it and make a list of things that would be nice to get done if I could. I did! I got my hair cut, made some banana bread and generally relaxed. I felt much better once I just chilled out.
I will tell the nitty gritty NHS details in another post because otherwise this one would get way too long and I don't have chunks of time long enough to write posts like that anymore.
So, when I went into labour on Wednesday night around 11:30 p.m. I didn't wake up Mark because I wanted him to at least be well rested. I barely slept because I thought that things might happen really quickly this time around... they did not. My contractions were fairly regular all night and Thursday morning until Vivian woke up. That day I had Mark stay home thinking we would be having the baby any time. We went out to breakfast as a family of three and then sent Vivian to our neighbour and friend down the street. Nothing happened.
We picked Vivian up from our friend's house because she couldn't stay overnight there and put her to bed at home. As soon as she was in bed I started having more intense contractions and they were fairly regular. Our friend Rosie came over around 9 and we went to the hospital around 9:30. (Refer to the post about Violet's Birth and the NHS for the rest of this story... if you want to.) Violet was born at 4:29 a.m. and we were home by 4:30 p.m. to pick up Vivian. Rosie was amazing.
Rosie is an English woman who I met through the playgroup that I help with at church. When I told her I was pregnant in September I mentioned that I was nervous because I didn't know what to do with Vivian. She was so excited. She really wanted to be the one to come over and watch Vivian when I went into labour. She said that she didn't have anyone to watch her oldest daughter when her youngest was born and she wanted to be able to do that for someone. I have since learned that she is just an extremely helpful, loving and generous person. She is always doing nice things for people.
When we arrived home, Rosie was sitting on the front porch with Vivian and her two girls, Beatrice and Isabel. Vivian was super happy and had been having a blast. What a blessing! It was so wonderful to not need to worry about Viv while we were at the hospital.
Right after we introduced Vivian to the baby (she wasn't named until she was 8 days old) we presented her with the gift that the baby had bought for Vivian. It was a brand new pink scooter. It was wrapped up in sparkly silver paper that Viv had a great time ripping open. She was SOOO excited! She started scooting around the house (of course we had to set up some rules right away. No scooting in the house.) We talked her into presenting her gifts to the baby before she went out scooting with her dad. Mark took her out scooting for quite a while and I sat on the couch gazing at my sweet newborn baby girl. I was so happy.
I will tell the nitty gritty NHS details in another post because otherwise this one would get way too long and I don't have chunks of time long enough to write posts like that anymore.
So, when I went into labour on Wednesday night around 11:30 p.m. I didn't wake up Mark because I wanted him to at least be well rested. I barely slept because I thought that things might happen really quickly this time around... they did not. My contractions were fairly regular all night and Thursday morning until Vivian woke up. That day I had Mark stay home thinking we would be having the baby any time. We went out to breakfast as a family of three and then sent Vivian to our neighbour and friend down the street. Nothing happened.
We picked Vivian up from our friend's house because she couldn't stay overnight there and put her to bed at home. As soon as she was in bed I started having more intense contractions and they were fairly regular. Our friend Rosie came over around 9 and we went to the hospital around 9:30. (Refer to the post about Violet's Birth and the NHS for the rest of this story... if you want to.) Violet was born at 4:29 a.m. and we were home by 4:30 p.m. to pick up Vivian. Rosie was amazing.
Rosie is an English woman who I met through the playgroup that I help with at church. When I told her I was pregnant in September I mentioned that I was nervous because I didn't know what to do with Vivian. She was so excited. She really wanted to be the one to come over and watch Vivian when I went into labour. She said that she didn't have anyone to watch her oldest daughter when her youngest was born and she wanted to be able to do that for someone. I have since learned that she is just an extremely helpful, loving and generous person. She is always doing nice things for people.
When we arrived home, Rosie was sitting on the front porch with Vivian and her two girls, Beatrice and Isabel. Vivian was super happy and had been having a blast. What a blessing! It was so wonderful to not need to worry about Viv while we were at the hospital.
Right after we introduced Vivian to the baby (she wasn't named until she was 8 days old) we presented her with the gift that the baby had bought for Vivian. It was a brand new pink scooter. It was wrapped up in sparkly silver paper that Viv had a great time ripping open. She was SOOO excited! She started scooting around the house (of course we had to set up some rules right away. No scooting in the house.) We talked her into presenting her gifts to the baby before she went out scooting with her dad. Mark took her out scooting for quite a while and I sat on the couch gazing at my sweet newborn baby girl. I was so happy.
11 August 2013
Status Update
At the end of my last blog post I said, "I will keep you posted." Well... it's been almost 3 months since that post and I have obviously not kept you posted. Sorry!
Violet Elizabeth was born on the 7th of June at St. George's Hospital. I will write a separate post about the birth experience with the NHS. It will be revisionist history, but I'll do my best.
Right now I want to record what's going on currently.
First off, Mark got his UK drivers license on Friday! It was a lot of work and he was really nervous that he wouldn't pass, but he did on his first try! Prior to taking the practical driving test, he had to pass the theory test and do 5 hours of driving practice with an instructor. They don't mess around here.
We booked a Zipcar for Saturday so that we could celebrate by driving around... and we did. The first place I wanted to go was Costco. I realize how ridiculous this is! I guess you can take the girl out of America, but you can't take away her love of huge warehouses filled with consumer goods in bulk. Perhaps I should do some self-examination.
Speaking of self-examination, since Violet's birth I have become quite homesick again. It makes me sad to be raising my kids far away from our family and friends. Even in Chicago I missed being close to my family, but at least we could get there relatively easily and without exorbitant cost. Now in order to come home we have to pay £3,000 minimum and plan for 2-3 weeks for it to make sense. It's just harder. I'm really trying to suck the marrow out of life while we're here. I want to live in the moment and enjoy where we are and all of the things we can access from our home base. But... it's is really stinking hard to suck the marrow out of life abroad with two small children. Every time we have a chance to travel, I want to come home to see my family. When we have free weekends, we enjoy driving to nearby attractions within England, but the thought of packing up all four of us for a few days in a foreign country doesn't really appeal to me all that much. Don't worry... we're going to do it anyway. We're making a list of the places we want to see before we move and we're going to do our best to get there... it's just quite challenging.
At this point, we're probably here for about 1-2 more years. It could definitely be longer if we wanted it to be, but like I've mentioned above, we miss our family and friends!
Violet Elizabeth was born on the 7th of June at St. George's Hospital. I will write a separate post about the birth experience with the NHS. It will be revisionist history, but I'll do my best.
Right now I want to record what's going on currently.
First off, Mark got his UK drivers license on Friday! It was a lot of work and he was really nervous that he wouldn't pass, but he did on his first try! Prior to taking the practical driving test, he had to pass the theory test and do 5 hours of driving practice with an instructor. They don't mess around here.
We booked a Zipcar for Saturday so that we could celebrate by driving around... and we did. The first place I wanted to go was Costco. I realize how ridiculous this is! I guess you can take the girl out of America, but you can't take away her love of huge warehouses filled with consumer goods in bulk. Perhaps I should do some self-examination.
Speaking of self-examination, since Violet's birth I have become quite homesick again. It makes me sad to be raising my kids far away from our family and friends. Even in Chicago I missed being close to my family, but at least we could get there relatively easily and without exorbitant cost. Now in order to come home we have to pay £3,000 minimum and plan for 2-3 weeks for it to make sense. It's just harder. I'm really trying to suck the marrow out of life while we're here. I want to live in the moment and enjoy where we are and all of the things we can access from our home base. But... it's is really stinking hard to suck the marrow out of life abroad with two small children. Every time we have a chance to travel, I want to come home to see my family. When we have free weekends, we enjoy driving to nearby attractions within England, but the thought of packing up all four of us for a few days in a foreign country doesn't really appeal to me all that much. Don't worry... we're going to do it anyway. We're making a list of the places we want to see before we move and we're going to do our best to get there... it's just quite challenging.
At this point, we're probably here for about 1-2 more years. It could definitely be longer if we wanted it to be, but like I've mentioned above, we miss our family and friends!
16 April 2013
Our first British Birthday Party
This afternoon Vivian and I went to our first British birthday party. Vivian's friend named Isabel turned two today. They had a "birthday tea" at their house and it was quite nice. We arrived late because Vivian napped a little late today, but we didn't miss any festivities.
I'm not sure that all birthday parties are exactly the same, but there is one obvious game that everyone plays that we were completely clueless about: pass the parcel. So, they take one small gift and wrap it as many times as there are children and each time they wrap it they put a little gift inside. Then they play music and when the music stops the child holding the parcel gets to unwrap a layer of paper. In this case there were tiny board books in each set of wrapping. It is quite fun. Every child gets to unwrap a layer and they all do quite well passing the parcel (except Vivian who had absolutely no idea what was going on and what she was supposed to do). At the end the final unwrapping stage landed on Vivian, so she got to keep the main gift! Apparently Rosie (Isabel's mum) bought it specifically for Vivian because it was an English traditional video of someone named "Postman Pat." I think it's a cartoon that has small episodes of classically known British stories or something like that. We'll see once we watch it I guess.
After the treasure hunt, which involved all of the children finding chocolate bars around the room, and then another treasure hunt which involved the children finding eggs stuffed with gummy candy in a box full of packing peanuts, we played pass the parcel, the children had "tea" (which is just dinner), the adults (mums) had a glass of prosecco and then everyone had cake which also had gummies on top. I'm absolutely positive that this is the most sugar Vivian has ever had in her life. She was quite happy as we walked home and played energetically "splashing" on the couch for a while when we got home and then started getting really whiny. Needless to say I put her to bed about 30 minutes early and now I'm sitting down to enjoy my freshly delivered Indian food.
I'm glad that we've been to a British birthday party! It was great. I'd like to incorporate pass the parcel into our traditions, because it's so fun and inclusive. I don't think I'll incorporate quite so many opportunities to gorge on sugar however... but that's just me.
I'm not sure that all birthday parties are exactly the same, but there is one obvious game that everyone plays that we were completely clueless about: pass the parcel. So, they take one small gift and wrap it as many times as there are children and each time they wrap it they put a little gift inside. Then they play music and when the music stops the child holding the parcel gets to unwrap a layer of paper. In this case there were tiny board books in each set of wrapping. It is quite fun. Every child gets to unwrap a layer and they all do quite well passing the parcel (except Vivian who had absolutely no idea what was going on and what she was supposed to do). At the end the final unwrapping stage landed on Vivian, so she got to keep the main gift! Apparently Rosie (Isabel's mum) bought it specifically for Vivian because it was an English traditional video of someone named "Postman Pat." I think it's a cartoon that has small episodes of classically known British stories or something like that. We'll see once we watch it I guess.
After the treasure hunt, which involved all of the children finding chocolate bars around the room, and then another treasure hunt which involved the children finding eggs stuffed with gummy candy in a box full of packing peanuts, we played pass the parcel, the children had "tea" (which is just dinner), the adults (mums) had a glass of prosecco and then everyone had cake which also had gummies on top. I'm absolutely positive that this is the most sugar Vivian has ever had in her life. She was quite happy as we walked home and played energetically "splashing" on the couch for a while when we got home and then started getting really whiny. Needless to say I put her to bed about 30 minutes early and now I'm sitting down to enjoy my freshly delivered Indian food.
I'm glad that we've been to a British birthday party! It was great. I'd like to incorporate pass the parcel into our traditions, because it's so fun and inclusive. I don't think I'll incorporate quite so many opportunities to gorge on sugar however... but that's just me.
25 February 2013
The American Girls
I haven't written in such a long time because life has just felt normal and it seems weird to tell everyone about my normal life. I think I'm going to transition to not feeling weird about telling everyone about my normal life and just write stuff that I think. We'll see how that goes.
This is a topic that I've been meaning to write about for a while, though. I made a bunch of American friends in my neighborhood!
On Halloween, which was right before we left for our trip back home, some Americans came and trick-or-treated at our house. It turns out they live at the end of our block. We exchanged numbers and got in touch after our return. It was nice to have something to look forward to after we got back.
It turns out that Hannah, who has lived here for 7 years, has an entire group of American girlfriends that get together one Friday every month for "TGIF." I went for the first time in December and had a great time. It was weird because I showed up with Hannah and even though I barely knew her, it was instantly really easy to talk to her. Upon arrival I felt instantly comfortable with everyone there. I didn't feel like I needed to be careful about which words I chose, or how I characterized something... it was just easy.
The woman who hosted is also pregnant and is due one week after me. She has a little boy and works part-time. These women - at least the ones with children - all hang out with each other all the time. I decided that I would definitely get involved in this group, but would make sure I didn't spend too much time with them because I wanted to maintain my British immersion.
Well, I have maintained my British immersion, but this group is really active and inclusive and incredibly friendly, so I've been SO happy to be a part of it! The week after my first TGIF they invited us to a playdate at a museum with this amazing indoor playground. We were also invited to a birthday party and were all ready to go when Vivian woke up with a fever of 39.9 (103.5ish). I stopped by to drop off what I was going to take and the house was crawling with families. I feel so lucky to have happened upon Hannah and her family that Halloween night. We have spent countless afternoons playing with Hannah and her two girls because it's just so easy to walk down the block and hang out for an hour or two.
I'm not best friends with any of these people, but the relationships that we've developed kind of remind me of college. Being foreigners here puts us in a boat together and we all do what we can to support each other. I'm still involved in all of the other things that I was doing, but now we're just more busy... and having more fun!
This is a topic that I've been meaning to write about for a while, though. I made a bunch of American friends in my neighborhood!
On Halloween, which was right before we left for our trip back home, some Americans came and trick-or-treated at our house. It turns out they live at the end of our block. We exchanged numbers and got in touch after our return. It was nice to have something to look forward to after we got back.
It turns out that Hannah, who has lived here for 7 years, has an entire group of American girlfriends that get together one Friday every month for "TGIF." I went for the first time in December and had a great time. It was weird because I showed up with Hannah and even though I barely knew her, it was instantly really easy to talk to her. Upon arrival I felt instantly comfortable with everyone there. I didn't feel like I needed to be careful about which words I chose, or how I characterized something... it was just easy.
The woman who hosted is also pregnant and is due one week after me. She has a little boy and works part-time. These women - at least the ones with children - all hang out with each other all the time. I decided that I would definitely get involved in this group, but would make sure I didn't spend too much time with them because I wanted to maintain my British immersion.
Well, I have maintained my British immersion, but this group is really active and inclusive and incredibly friendly, so I've been SO happy to be a part of it! The week after my first TGIF they invited us to a playdate at a museum with this amazing indoor playground. We were also invited to a birthday party and were all ready to go when Vivian woke up with a fever of 39.9 (103.5ish). I stopped by to drop off what I was going to take and the house was crawling with families. I feel so lucky to have happened upon Hannah and her family that Halloween night. We have spent countless afternoons playing with Hannah and her two girls because it's just so easy to walk down the block and hang out for an hour or two.
I'm not best friends with any of these people, but the relationships that we've developed kind of remind me of college. Being foreigners here puts us in a boat together and we all do what we can to support each other. I'm still involved in all of the other things that I was doing, but now we're just more busy... and having more fun!
12 November 2012
FRIENDS!
This has been the best week! I got to have two nights out for dinner with friends, I got to meet up with my old playgroup and see how much all of the babes have grown, I got to see my old ING DIRECT friends and received a visit from several friends who drove hours to come see us. It has been so wonderful!
I wish we had more time to spend with everyone individually to hear about their life and how they're doing and what they've been up to. As I have mentioned before, I would be perfectly happy just staying here and calling it a day in London. But, I have been reminded that I can't think that way. We've got a long way to go, and honestly, I know there will be lots of great things that happen there in the next few years. It's just hard to be reminded of how many people we love here and know that we are going to have to leave again.
I wish we had more time to spend with everyone individually to hear about their life and how they're doing and what they've been up to. As I have mentioned before, I would be perfectly happy just staying here and calling it a day in London. But, I have been reminded that I can't think that way. We've got a long way to go, and honestly, I know there will be lots of great things that happen there in the next few years. It's just hard to be reminded of how many people we love here and know that we are going to have to leave again.
18 September 2012
Now don't start that again...
Today was a great day! We went to Little Kickers in the morning with Vivian. She is so cute "playing football." It's interesting to see her little character come out in these types of situations. She always hangs back at first - she seems a bit shy. When there are directions to do something, she doesn't obey them right away but if I repeat them she usually follows my direction. When they tell all the kids to do something the kids will all take off and Vivian will be hanging back spinning in circles looking at the ceiling or something. She seems to be a bit of a dreamer.
The mum that I ran into on the bus, Jenny, invited us to join her, Logan, her friend Kara, and her son, also Logan, for a takeaway coffee and playtime at the sandpit. It was nice. The boys weren't quite as enamored with the sandpit as Viv so they kept running off causing their mums to chase them, but we still talked a bit and had a nice time.
When Viv woke up we went for an hour-long bike ride in Wandsworth Common and around the bordering neighbourhoods. It was quite a nice ride and Vivian loved it. She even peeped in the forest for the first time without a potty. Quite a milestone! She's a true "mountain woman" now! :)
So, why after a day like today, do I feel bummed out? Well, I have heard from several sources that British people don't really talk about their feelings much. They don't let on that they have any problems. I found out on Sunday at church that a woman who is 39 weeks pregnant had a baby who died two weeks later last year, so I "shouldn't ask her about her pregnancy." That warning made me want to ask her even more. She probably doesn't have anyone to talk to about how hard that was and everyone just ignores that it happened. When things are hard for me will people around here think I'm just a whiner if I ask for advice or input? Will I ever really be able to make good friends here? Am I destined to have the kind of surface level friendships that I am so excited to have now but which will grow quite boring if they never move on past this stage?
The whole setup of tiny family units where one person works and the other stays home is actually quite unhealthy I think. Within a supportive and family-like community where you have other moms, dads, friends, sisters, parents, aunts, uncles to support you and share in your ups and downs it makes sense, but in our situation - completely isolated from everyone on the planet that we know - it seems completely insane to me. Even though I have been hard at work recruiting friends, it's not really enough right now. I crave the closeness of the friends and family that I left behind!
06 September 2012
An American Friend
An old friend of mine (well, she was mostly Kristin's friend, but I knew her and liked her) recently got married and moved to London. Lacey arrived about two weeks ago and we went up to see her at her new place in Chelsea. It was so much fun. I was really excited to see a familiar face and we just had a great time with her and her adorable dog, Chloe. Vivian absolutely LOVED Chloe and Chloe was really sweet with her. Viv was in heaven!
It was so wonderful to talk to Lacey. I could have stayed all day and chatted. We haven't seen each other in about 15 years but we know the same people, we know each other's families and it was just so nice to spend time with someone who knew about me and my life. I have missed that. It was nice not to have to start from scratch, and not to have to think about what I was saying and whether or not I sounded like a stupid American.
I am really looking forward to spending more time with Lacey! And I'm sure Vivi is really looking forward to spending more time with Chloe!
It was so wonderful to talk to Lacey. I could have stayed all day and chatted. We haven't seen each other in about 15 years but we know the same people, we know each other's families and it was just so nice to spend time with someone who knew about me and my life. I have missed that. It was nice not to have to start from scratch, and not to have to think about what I was saying and whether or not I sounded like a stupid American.
I am really looking forward to spending more time with Lacey! And I'm sure Vivi is really looking forward to spending more time with Chloe!
04 September 2012
Book Club
When our neighbour girl, Sophia, put the flyer through our mail slot to advertise her babysitting it was probably one of the best things to happen to us since moving to London. She has been absolutely fantastic for Vivian and we've also been introduced to her whole family who are very sweet. Her mother invited me to a book club which is for just the people on our street.
I found out about it about a week ago and went to buy The Great Gatsby to make sure that I had time to read through the whole thing by the time we got to Tuesday night. I succeeded!
Sarah came to pick me up (Sophia was watching Vivian since Mark was out of town) and we walked down the block. I could not believe it, but I actually knew 2 other women there because they go to our church and are extremely friendly. It was so nice going somewhere that you expect to know no one and end up knowing 3 people!
I have never been in a book club but this one is great. I was kind of surprised by how little depth we really got into about the book but it was really fun to talk about it. The host and I actually had almost 100% opposite perspectives about the book but I don't think there was any ill will (at least I hope not - I have a really hard time keeping my mouth shut sometimes). Since the book is considered a great American novel, she themed the food for the evening as American. She served a pizza and a pie that I had never even heard of (Befanti? Bunofi?) that was banana and toffee and absolutely delicious.
I was really impressed by what books they've already read (Anna Karenina, Wolf Hall) and what's on the list to come. It was wonderful to be with adults having adult conversations with no kids around screaming and distracting us. I can't wait until next month. The book this time is Music and Silence by Rose Tremain. I've never heard of it but it's quite long and I don't even have it yet. Better get cracking!
I found out about it about a week ago and went to buy The Great Gatsby to make sure that I had time to read through the whole thing by the time we got to Tuesday night. I succeeded!
Sarah came to pick me up (Sophia was watching Vivian since Mark was out of town) and we walked down the block. I could not believe it, but I actually knew 2 other women there because they go to our church and are extremely friendly. It was so nice going somewhere that you expect to know no one and end up knowing 3 people!
I have never been in a book club but this one is great. I was kind of surprised by how little depth we really got into about the book but it was really fun to talk about it. The host and I actually had almost 100% opposite perspectives about the book but I don't think there was any ill will (at least I hope not - I have a really hard time keeping my mouth shut sometimes). Since the book is considered a great American novel, she themed the food for the evening as American. She served a pizza and a pie that I had never even heard of (Befanti? Bunofi?) that was banana and toffee and absolutely delicious.
I was really impressed by what books they've already read (Anna Karenina, Wolf Hall) and what's on the list to come. It was wonderful to be with adults having adult conversations with no kids around screaming and distracting us. I can't wait until next month. The book this time is Music and Silence by Rose Tremain. I've never heard of it but it's quite long and I don't even have it yet. Better get cracking!
23 August 2012
Another Playdate
Today we met with another mum and her two girls for a playdate at a local playground. I was excited to meet with them because I had such luck with the playdate with Kathy and Fran.
I knew that Rosie was going through a remodel in her home and I have heard from people who've been through it that it's terribly stressful, so I expected a bit of stress, but nothing compared to what I got. Rosie began by telling me that she'd been out the night before and was really annoyed because her friend had dared to tell her that she was stressed because her daughter had smeared blackberries on the carpet. Rosie rolled her eyes and said, "Seriously. That's your big problem? Last week Bea peed on the carpet and I didn't even bother to clean it up... that's how stressful my life is right now." Um... I didn't quite see the connection there, but ok... I get it, she's stressed.
She went onto say throughout the conversation all of the things that her husband "doesn't allow." Damien doesn't allow tv, Damien doesn't allow biscuits, Damien doesn't allow chocolate, Damien doesn't allow skipped naps. Then, Damien is making me handle all of this stuff with the builders blah blah blah. The more I talked to her the more I realized that I think I probably would like her husband better than her.
She did give me some really good ideas for activities both in and just outside of London. And, she's lived in Balham for a long time so she knows some great shortcuts on paths through buildings that you'd never find unless you knew what you were doing.
After we said goodbye I felt like I needed to go home and take a shower. It was stressful to just be near her.
One of the benefits of moving somewhere completely new, not knowing anyone and having absolutely no attachments is that you can be picky about who you spend your time with. If I meet someone and don't like them, then I will not spend more time with them. I am going to be very careful about the people I invest in while we're here... and unless things drastically change once her house is all finished, she is not one of those people!
I knew that Rosie was going through a remodel in her home and I have heard from people who've been through it that it's terribly stressful, so I expected a bit of stress, but nothing compared to what I got. Rosie began by telling me that she'd been out the night before and was really annoyed because her friend had dared to tell her that she was stressed because her daughter had smeared blackberries on the carpet. Rosie rolled her eyes and said, "Seriously. That's your big problem? Last week Bea peed on the carpet and I didn't even bother to clean it up... that's how stressful my life is right now." Um... I didn't quite see the connection there, but ok... I get it, she's stressed.
She went onto say throughout the conversation all of the things that her husband "doesn't allow." Damien doesn't allow tv, Damien doesn't allow biscuits, Damien doesn't allow chocolate, Damien doesn't allow skipped naps. Then, Damien is making me handle all of this stuff with the builders blah blah blah. The more I talked to her the more I realized that I think I probably would like her husband better than her.
She did give me some really good ideas for activities both in and just outside of London. And, she's lived in Balham for a long time so she knows some great shortcuts on paths through buildings that you'd never find unless you knew what you were doing.
After we said goodbye I felt like I needed to go home and take a shower. It was stressful to just be near her.
One of the benefits of moving somewhere completely new, not knowing anyone and having absolutely no attachments is that you can be picky about who you spend your time with. If I meet someone and don't like them, then I will not spend more time with them. I am going to be very careful about the people I invest in while we're here... and unless things drastically change once her house is all finished, she is not one of those people!
20 August 2012
Normal?
Sorry that I've been pretty terrible at writing in the blog for the past few weeks. I realized that I think the reason for my lack of communication is that life here might possibly be starting to feel a bit normal. This is FANTASTIC for me. It's not without mini roller coasters (which I believe will probably continue for the next few months - I have heard it takes 9 months to adjust to a new culture/country), but there are a lot of really good things happening and good people that I'm meeting so I'm feeling like I might actually be getting involved in a community.
It's funny because I'm actually already more involved in this community than I ever was in Oak Park. I mean I had my playgroup which I LOVED (still do) and Viv and I went to music and My Gym, but I didn't really have anything that I did for myself. Now I'm joining 2 choirs and may even start taking a class! We've had one successful play date and have 2 more scheduled for this week. We have a babysitter who Vivian loves and I found a place to go get a massage.
Being a social person it makes a huge difference to me to have things to look forward to that involve people. We went to church for the third time on Sunday and once again talked to so many extremely nice people that live really close to us. Being open and honest about being new and not knowing anyone makes church people kind of want to take you under their wing... which I LOVE. I want to be one of those people!
Once school starts again our playgroup will get ramped up and we can begin going to other playgroups. There are a few that I've heard very good things about that I'm looking forward to checking out. It's all so different here in that regard, but I think that it's great.
Right now, Mark is in Germany. It makes me think about the last time that he was out of town while we were potty training. That trip of his to Italy will forever live in my memory because it was so horrible. I was so worn out and bummed that I was trapped. Now I feel fantastic. I roasted a chicken this afternoon mostly to make chicken stock from the bones, but I experimented by putting veggies underneath. When I pulled it out the veggies look charred to an inedible crisp but I tasted them anyways... They were DELICIOUS. I proceeded to eat every last bit of the veggies and tons of the meat and Viv enjoyed quite a chunk of it as well. Eating that food was one of the more amazing experiences I've had lately... and I made it myself!
Vivian and I also walked all the way down to this great playground in Tooting this afternoon and I met a really nice mum who talked with me for quite a long time. We ended up leaving and walking home together. Unfortunately she is moving to Surrey but she gave me some great tips for places to go to meet people and further encouraged me about how super sweet and welcoming everyone is around here (well, maybe not everyone, but enough people).
Mark surprised me last week by planning a trip to go visit the castle from Downton Abbey. He even took the day off work on Wednesday so that we can go. I am SO excited. I might actually have a hard time sleeping the night before. I'll take what pictures I can and do a post about that for sure. (I'm also going to write about our trip to the Cotswolds this past Saturday.)
Thanks so much to everyone for your love and support and prayers. Maybe I'm still glowing from that chicken experience earlier, but I really feel like we're coming out of the woods and really making a home for ourselves in this community!
It's funny because I'm actually already more involved in this community than I ever was in Oak Park. I mean I had my playgroup which I LOVED (still do) and Viv and I went to music and My Gym, but I didn't really have anything that I did for myself. Now I'm joining 2 choirs and may even start taking a class! We've had one successful play date and have 2 more scheduled for this week. We have a babysitter who Vivian loves and I found a place to go get a massage.
Being a social person it makes a huge difference to me to have things to look forward to that involve people. We went to church for the third time on Sunday and once again talked to so many extremely nice people that live really close to us. Being open and honest about being new and not knowing anyone makes church people kind of want to take you under their wing... which I LOVE. I want to be one of those people!
Once school starts again our playgroup will get ramped up and we can begin going to other playgroups. There are a few that I've heard very good things about that I'm looking forward to checking out. It's all so different here in that regard, but I think that it's great.
Right now, Mark is in Germany. It makes me think about the last time that he was out of town while we were potty training. That trip of his to Italy will forever live in my memory because it was so horrible. I was so worn out and bummed that I was trapped. Now I feel fantastic. I roasted a chicken this afternoon mostly to make chicken stock from the bones, but I experimented by putting veggies underneath. When I pulled it out the veggies look charred to an inedible crisp but I tasted them anyways... They were DELICIOUS. I proceeded to eat every last bit of the veggies and tons of the meat and Viv enjoyed quite a chunk of it as well. Eating that food was one of the more amazing experiences I've had lately... and I made it myself!
Vivian and I also walked all the way down to this great playground in Tooting this afternoon and I met a really nice mum who talked with me for quite a long time. We ended up leaving and walking home together. Unfortunately she is moving to Surrey but she gave me some great tips for places to go to meet people and further encouraged me about how super sweet and welcoming everyone is around here (well, maybe not everyone, but enough people).
Mark surprised me last week by planning a trip to go visit the castle from Downton Abbey. He even took the day off work on Wednesday so that we can go. I am SO excited. I might actually have a hard time sleeping the night before. I'll take what pictures I can and do a post about that for sure. (I'm also going to write about our trip to the Cotswolds this past Saturday.)
Thanks so much to everyone for your love and support and prayers. Maybe I'm still glowing from that chicken experience earlier, but I really feel like we're coming out of the woods and really making a home for ourselves in this community!
08 August 2012
My First Playdate
I guess I should say "our" first playdate or Vivi's first playdate, but it meant much more to me than to her.
Kathy and her daughter Francesca "Fran" came over to our house today and we sat on the new patio furniture in our garden while the girls played. Well, Fran played... Vivi sat on my lap and ate the little snacks that Kathy brought.
Kathy is awesome! She is one of the mums from the playgroup planning meeting that I met a couple weeks ago. She likes healthy food and has all kinds of terrific sources for organic produce and meats to tell me about. She gave me an overview of how schooling works, health care works, playgroups etc. She's smart (I guess I should say clever now... smart means that she's well-dressed), fun, easy to talk to and I like the type of mom she is. It's always nice to connect with moms who you agree with their approach. We didn't discuss our approach, I was just observing.
She might actually be my first friend. I'm so excited. She's got a lot of friends so it's not like we'll be besties or anything, but it's just really fun to have someone that you like to tag along with from time to time.
On another very celebratory note, Vivi pooped in the potty this afternoon. That's a first ever since the first day we started when it was a bit traumatic for her. She was so proud and so was I. Motherhood is weird like that. Sometimes I marvel at the things I do all day these days.
The kitchen is clean, Vivi is in bed and I'm WIPED OUT from cleaning the house all day and then having them over and then making dinner and taking Viv to the potty all day. I feel like it doesn't sound like anything, but man am I exhausted. Time to chill with Mark on the couch and watch Misfits.
Kathy and her daughter Francesca "Fran" came over to our house today and we sat on the new patio furniture in our garden while the girls played. Well, Fran played... Vivi sat on my lap and ate the little snacks that Kathy brought.
Kathy is awesome! She is one of the mums from the playgroup planning meeting that I met a couple weeks ago. She likes healthy food and has all kinds of terrific sources for organic produce and meats to tell me about. She gave me an overview of how schooling works, health care works, playgroups etc. She's smart (I guess I should say clever now... smart means that she's well-dressed), fun, easy to talk to and I like the type of mom she is. It's always nice to connect with moms who you agree with their approach. We didn't discuss our approach, I was just observing.
She might actually be my first friend. I'm so excited. She's got a lot of friends so it's not like we'll be besties or anything, but it's just really fun to have someone that you like to tag along with from time to time.
On another very celebratory note, Vivi pooped in the potty this afternoon. That's a first ever since the first day we started when it was a bit traumatic for her. She was so proud and so was I. Motherhood is weird like that. Sometimes I marvel at the things I do all day these days.
The kitchen is clean, Vivi is in bed and I'm WIPED OUT from cleaning the house all day and then having them over and then making dinner and taking Viv to the potty all day. I feel like it doesn't sound like anything, but man am I exhausted. Time to chill with Mark on the couch and watch Misfits.
25 July 2012
Playgroup Meeting
When we went to church on Sunday there was an announcement in the bulletin that there would be a playgroup planning meeting on Wednesday morning at 10. I told the vicar (I learned that's what you call them) that I planned to attend. This morning we showed up about 5 minutes early and the vicar was so happy to see us. She had apparently hand invited the other 3 mums and I was the only one who showed up just because I read the bulletin. I am SO glad that I went.
Now I am one of the founding members of a new playgroup that will be incredibly close to our house. I get to have input on what the playgroup will be like and how it will run. I get to help decide about toys, crafts and rules. I am so excited.
The absolute best part about the meeting, though, was meeting the other mums and hearing all about how playgroups usually work here. It is so different than anything I'm used to. So, for those of you who have any interest in this topic, here it is:
Playgroups are usually run by churches or community organizations like Salvation Army. They cost between 50p and £2.50 for about 2 hours of playtime. The "good ones," and good is described differently by different mums, are heavily oversubscribed and it's very difficult to get in. There is one located at the Baptist Church that is so popular that it takes a while to even get your name on the waiting list. That is crazy to me.
There is one playgroup that was mentioned several times called Cheeky Monkeys at the Salvation Army. This is run by an older woman who doesn't bring her own children (most are run by mums with toddlers that they bring) named Viola. She runs her playgroup like a nursery school. It is very structured and very strict. That is fantastic for some mums who like the structure because they're able to relax a bit more, but bad for others whose kids don't do well within structured environments.
I definitely want to check out some other playgroups now that I've heard about how they work, but it turns out that most of them close for the holiday so they won't reopen until September. It's a bummer to just be getting settled when everything shuts down, but there are other areas that ramp up their offerings during the holiday (one of which I'm visiting tomorrow, so you'll get a full report). It's all very interesting. I guess there is a bit of a different mentality when all of the schools have the exact same schedules. It's easier to schedule this type of thing.
The 3 mums that I met during the meeting were so nice. I mentioned some things that I had heard and apologized if I got the names wrong or mispronounced words like "leisure." They said it was refreshing. How wonderful! They also said that they only thing they don't like about Americans is the way we spell. HA! I keep thinking that I'm doing my best to fit in by using words like buggy, nappy and mum, but in reality I should be trying harder to spell neighbourhood, favourite and colour "correctly." Well, now I know! (I guess that's something for you to look forward to.)
When we walked home from the meeting this morning (actually we ran because we were doing Super Speedy) I felt like I was on top of the world. I was laughing to myself because I feel like a ping pong ball. I hope I don't mention this too much and become boring, but it is absolutely amazing how drastically emotional this experience has been for me. I don't consider myself to be an emotional flat-liner by any means, but I'm not a basket case either (most of the time). Since we've been here, Balham particularly, I feel like I'm being tossed around emotionally. Not ping pong so much as when you put the balls on top of a parachute and then wave it really hard. It's just that I haven't ever really felt like I'm on solid ground. There are moments of complete excitement and hope and happiness and then moments of almost despair and darkness and hopelessness. The sunshine definitely helps, but I believe that a lot of it is a function of "culture shock." I don't know if it's the culture though. I think it's just the starting over with no network. I probably would have experienced the same amount of culture shock if we moved to New York or San Francisco... actually, nevermind. It is culture shock.
It's funny to write things out like this... I have written an entire page about how I'm learning and getting used to how things work here and how different it is from what I'm used to and then I say in the next paragraph that I don't believe the change in culture is affecting me. I don't know how people work through this type of thing without writing it out and then re-reading it. I would be lost without it... I'm an addict.
Now I am one of the founding members of a new playgroup that will be incredibly close to our house. I get to have input on what the playgroup will be like and how it will run. I get to help decide about toys, crafts and rules. I am so excited.
The absolute best part about the meeting, though, was meeting the other mums and hearing all about how playgroups usually work here. It is so different than anything I'm used to. So, for those of you who have any interest in this topic, here it is:
Playgroups are usually run by churches or community organizations like Salvation Army. They cost between 50p and £2.50 for about 2 hours of playtime. The "good ones," and good is described differently by different mums, are heavily oversubscribed and it's very difficult to get in. There is one located at the Baptist Church that is so popular that it takes a while to even get your name on the waiting list. That is crazy to me.
There is one playgroup that was mentioned several times called Cheeky Monkeys at the Salvation Army. This is run by an older woman who doesn't bring her own children (most are run by mums with toddlers that they bring) named Viola. She runs her playgroup like a nursery school. It is very structured and very strict. That is fantastic for some mums who like the structure because they're able to relax a bit more, but bad for others whose kids don't do well within structured environments.
I definitely want to check out some other playgroups now that I've heard about how they work, but it turns out that most of them close for the holiday so they won't reopen until September. It's a bummer to just be getting settled when everything shuts down, but there are other areas that ramp up their offerings during the holiday (one of which I'm visiting tomorrow, so you'll get a full report). It's all very interesting. I guess there is a bit of a different mentality when all of the schools have the exact same schedules. It's easier to schedule this type of thing.
The 3 mums that I met during the meeting were so nice. I mentioned some things that I had heard and apologized if I got the names wrong or mispronounced words like "leisure." They said it was refreshing. How wonderful! They also said that they only thing they don't like about Americans is the way we spell. HA! I keep thinking that I'm doing my best to fit in by using words like buggy, nappy and mum, but in reality I should be trying harder to spell neighbourhood, favourite and colour "correctly." Well, now I know! (I guess that's something for you to look forward to.)
When we walked home from the meeting this morning (actually we ran because we were doing Super Speedy) I felt like I was on top of the world. I was laughing to myself because I feel like a ping pong ball. I hope I don't mention this too much and become boring, but it is absolutely amazing how drastically emotional this experience has been for me. I don't consider myself to be an emotional flat-liner by any means, but I'm not a basket case either (most of the time). Since we've been here, Balham particularly, I feel like I'm being tossed around emotionally. Not ping pong so much as when you put the balls on top of a parachute and then wave it really hard. It's just that I haven't ever really felt like I'm on solid ground. There are moments of complete excitement and hope and happiness and then moments of almost despair and darkness and hopelessness. The sunshine definitely helps, but I believe that a lot of it is a function of "culture shock." I don't know if it's the culture though. I think it's just the starting over with no network. I probably would have experienced the same amount of culture shock if we moved to New York or San Francisco... actually, nevermind. It is culture shock.
It's funny to write things out like this... I have written an entire page about how I'm learning and getting used to how things work here and how different it is from what I'm used to and then I say in the next paragraph that I don't believe the change in culture is affecting me. I don't know how people work through this type of thing without writing it out and then re-reading it. I would be lost without it... I'm an addict.
16 July 2012
I made a friend today...
But there was a lot more to my day than that. I don’t really even know what
chronology to use to tell this story.
Maybe I’ll follow my old pattern of telling the story from morning to
night (I’m getting a bit bored with that, though, so after this I’m going to
switch it up).
On Saturday I ordered sheets, towels and a mattress pad from
John Lewis, which is a local department store that delivers anything you order
to a local grocery store and you can pick it up the next day. The only reason I can think of that I
did that rather than just have it delivered to my house is novelty. I was excited that I could get
something so quickly and pick it up just “down the street.” I will never do that again.
This morning I thought that Vivi and I could leave early
enough to make it to the post office and Waitrose (the local grocery store
where my John Lewis goods were delivered) and home for me to throw our new
sheets in the wash so that we could leave again to be back to the library by
story time at 11. I was
wrong. We started on our journey
just after 9 a.m. and got to the library (which is literally next door to
Waitrose) at 10:55 without going home in between. The amount of time it takes to do anything right now is just
bewildering. Part of it is my
attempt to not relegate Viv to her buggy every time we need to walk anywhere,
but part is also just that things take a long time here and places are much
farther apart than they seem.
We had to stop by Royal Mail to pick up a parcel that was
unsuccessfully delivered on Saturday.
Then we went to Waitrose to pick up our John Lewis order and a few
groceries that I needed for dinner tonight. When I saw the bags that were waiting for me from John Lewis
I thought to myself, “well, this will be interesting.” There were three huge bags. I completely underestimated how
enormous a mattress pad would be (I guess I ordered a particularly fluffy
one).
So, we arrived at story time with a buggy so weighed down
with bags and groceries that I kept getting stares from people we passed on the
way in. Story time was a great
success in that I made a friend, but weird in that the librarian insists on
reading books about monsters scaring the crap out of little kids. The books actually all ended with the
monsters being real and the kids in the books being terrified. Why, oh why, would you read books like
that at a story time? Vivi doesn’t
know what monsters are yet, but all of 4 year olds did and I felt so bad for
their parents!
Anyways…
Adults aren’t supposed to talk during story time but I broke
the rules today. The woman next to
me had cute boots so I gave her a compliment and then we chatted periodically
when there were breaks between books.
Afterwards we talked for about an hour while Vivian sat looking at books
and her little boy ran around the library like a wild animal. Once a dad
actually walked up to her and asked her if this little chap was hers because he
had stolen his daughters drawing and was running around and wouldn’t give it
back. Pretty funny and also not that cool, but we’ll deal with that later when
I’m not so desperate for a human connection.
She gave me all kinds of advice about finding schools and
why that’s important, which toddler/preschool activities are good and bad and
what it’s been like for her since she’s moved to London (she’s also an expat –
from Poland).
After our conversation we said that we hoped we would see
each other at another story time and then awkwardly said goodbye while we
rounded up our stuff and kids. I
kind of just got brave and asked her if she would ever like to come over to our
house and play. I said that I
don’t know if people do that here, but I would love to have them come over some
time. She got all smiley and said
she would love it. We exchanged
numbers and then went our separate ways.
I was so excited!
It made the incredibly uncomfortable walk home
bearable. Vivian had to walk and
hold my hand, despite being hungry and exhausted, because the buggy was full of
our recent acquisitions. She was
so tired that she kept falling down and hurting her knees. It was raining that really misty kind
of rain that gets in your face no matter which direction you face. By the time we got to our street muscles in my arm that I’d never felt before were cramping up from trying to
steer the heavy-laden buggy one-handed while steering Vivian with the
other.
I got home and felt frustrated but laughed it off because
that seems to be my most familiar emotion these days.
As soon as Vivi was in bed I sat down to eat the rest of her
lunch and read a deliciously long email from one of my best friends. I spent the next hour or so
sobbing. I don’t know that I’ve
cried that thoroughly in 3 years.
Cheryl lived overseas for 7 or 8 years so she has lots of experience with
international adjustments and the emotional roller coaster involved. Her email detailed some of the things
that I’ve been mentioning in my blog and how she can relate or appreciate where
I’m coming from. She told me about
what’s going on in her life. It
was wonderful. It made me feel
understood. It made me feel
loved. It made me feel desperately
lonely.
I keep saying this type of thing, but maybe, just maybe things will get easier when...
28 May 2012
Oak Park Reunion
Today is Mark's first day of work in the UK. I am sure he is going to do really well. Since I don't want to speak on his behalf, I'll leave it at that and let him write his own post about work sometime if he wants.
After he left for work Viv and I went out to meet a friend of a friend from Oak Park. She told me where to meet her and I mapped out the course before I left but only had the A-Z map with me and not the bus route map or anything else. It was risky, but we survived!
We met our new friend at the Barracks in Hyde Park. We'd not yet been up to Hyde Park so it was a real treat. The playground is just next to a practice area for the horse-riding guards (I'm sure there is a proper name for these guys, but I don't yet know it). We also walked past the Princess Diana memorial fountain and the Prince Albert Memorial. These parks are just absolutely huge. You can (and do) get lost in them. Some older ladies actually asked us for directions at one point.
My new Oak Park friend brought a British (for all intents and purposes) friend of hers that she's met since her arrival in London. They both live in the Kensington/Chelsea area and were telling me about their days filled with museums, parks, cafe lunches and traipsing around. I asked about schedules and my Oak Park friend said that people here aren't quite so "stressy" about schedules and generally as Americans. That was a new perspective for me. I hadn't really thought about myself being stressy about schedules, but I guess I absolutely am. I have always thought that kids do well with structure and in my limited experience being a mother that has been true. The more I keep Viv on her schedule the better she sleeps and behaves. This new friend was telling me that her daughter has learned to nap in her pushchair (stroller).
I don't really know how to handle this information. One of my main goals during my tenure in London is to really see how people here live, raise their children, wash their clothes, get around, cook their meals, shop for groceries, interact with each other, etc. I don't want to be the only one leaving a social activity because my daughter only naps in her cot (crib) at home. However, I have fairly strong feelings about making sure that Vivi has at least some semblance of structure in her life (we don't have tons of structure, but we do eat at the table instead of wandering around and we have set naps and bedtimes).
I guess this is just the first of many situations like this. I have a perspective on how things should be done based on my experiences to date and they differ from the general thinking here causing me to find a middle-ground, or perhaps changing my ways. It is also possible that this very small sample size is the perspective of only a few people and I will discover that there are more people who think like me. Either way, it's a good lesson.
The end of the story in this situation is that I left when these women took their kids to get Happy Meals at McDonalds and came home to feed Vivi and put her down for her nap. I am open to compromise in many areas of life, but feeding McDonalds to my two-year old is just not one of those things!
23 May 2012
My First Social Event
Last night I went to a party hosted by Mark's former bosses wife. It was in Hampstead and there were quite a lot of women there. Most of them were American expats and they were all very friendly and impressed that I made it out my first week here. I exchanged numbers with some and do look forward to meeting them.
There was a brief moment when I thought maybe we should move to Hampstead because it would be so easy to make friends with other Americans there. However, if we moved there we would be living near people who have FAR more money than we do and we would be spending all we had on rent. I don't want to be so cash-strapped because I live in a nice place that we can't afford to do the things that are cool about living in London - like going to museums, zoos, other countries!
I did get some great advice about places to visit near Westminster while we're living here, as well as advice about relating to people born and raised in England. I'm very glad I went last night (plus I bought some cute jewellry (they spell it with two Ls here).
Vivian is sitting in her time out chair at this moment. She has been generally sweet, but has been acting out from time to time and we need to nip this in the bud. All she has to do is count to ten. She got to nine about 15 minutes ago but now she is just being a stinkpot. I have been way too lenient about consistent discipline to this point.. no more Mrs. Nice Guy.
We have been travelling down to Clapham daily to look at flats. There are some pretty good places. I have been adequately prepped for things being smaller, so I'm not even phased (of course I'm not living there yet either). We have a bunch more to see today, tomorrow and Friday. It's really fun. I LOVE walking through houses!
There was a brief moment when I thought maybe we should move to Hampstead because it would be so easy to make friends with other Americans there. However, if we moved there we would be living near people who have FAR more money than we do and we would be spending all we had on rent. I don't want to be so cash-strapped because I live in a nice place that we can't afford to do the things that are cool about living in London - like going to museums, zoos, other countries!
I did get some great advice about places to visit near Westminster while we're living here, as well as advice about relating to people born and raised in England. I'm very glad I went last night (plus I bought some cute jewellry (they spell it with two Ls here).
Vivian is sitting in her time out chair at this moment. She has been generally sweet, but has been acting out from time to time and we need to nip this in the bud. All she has to do is count to ten. She got to nine about 15 minutes ago but now she is just being a stinkpot. I have been way too lenient about consistent discipline to this point.. no more Mrs. Nice Guy.
We have been travelling down to Clapham daily to look at flats. There are some pretty good places. I have been adequately prepped for things being smaller, so I'm not even phased (of course I'm not living there yet either). We have a bunch more to see today, tomorrow and Friday. It's really fun. I LOVE walking through houses!
18 May 2012
Saying Goodbye
I haven't really been nervous about our move for the past couple of months. I have been too busy getting everything done in order to get over there. I have, however, been very aware of the need to say goodbye to the people I love.
I cried a lot. I know that I'm not saying goodbye forever, but it has been a very emotionally charged couple of weeks. I will miss the easy access to friends and family and envy the normal life I feel like I would have had if we had stayed. This will be great, but I definitely appreciate and will miss the community we are leaving (even if they are a 4 hour car trip or plane ride away).
I cried a lot. I know that I'm not saying goodbye forever, but it has been a very emotionally charged couple of weeks. I will miss the easy access to friends and family and envy the normal life I feel like I would have had if we had stayed. This will be great, but I definitely appreciate and will miss the community we are leaving (even if they are a 4 hour car trip or plane ride away).
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