It's been a while... sorry. I have the best intentions of "catching up" and back-filling all of the stuff that I've neglected to record over the past few months.
Speaking of intentions...
The past few days after my parents left to go back home, I have been really concentrating on improving who I am as a mother. Having my mom and dad here to ask about little details about parenting as they arise was totally invigorating. I have found that parenting a toddler can be very wearing. Sometimes I feel great, like I'm doing a wonderful job. A lot of times I feel worn down to the nub because the only thing I can do is count to three to get Vivian to do anything I ask of her.
My mom gave me the same advice that she's been giving me for the past year: Stay ahead of her. Make it fun. Change things up so that she doesn't get into patterns of obstinance.
That advice is amazing... but it's incredibly hard. That means that Vivian has to be my number one priority at the forefront of my mind all day long every day. It might seem like that's the case already since I stay home with her, but I realize now that it hasn't been. My priorities aren't always the same, but they often put her second, third or even fourth after laundry, making dinner, cleaning because someone is coming over, checking my email. I don't believe that I need to be focusing 100% of my attention on her during every waking hour. In my opinion that kind of attention could be a bit damaging for her development, but I do believe that I need to make a few adjustments in my scheduling and in my daily choices so that my job as a mother is front and center.
All of this brings me to why London might be the best thing that ever happened to me. Moving here has not been easy. It has been an emotional roller coaster as you know if you've been reading this blog or talking to me at all over the past 8 months. One of the reasons it has been so difficult is because nothing is easy anymore. I know that you probably had to read that sentence twice because it is so obvious that it couldn't possibly be what I meant. But it is... It is really nice to be comfortable. When we went home in November I felt so comfortable. I knew exactly where to go to buy the groceries I wanted and I knew exactly which brands to get. I was able to drive places and get there in a reasonably predictable amount of time. When I spent money I knew exactly how much I was spending in dollars. I ate yummy food that I was familiar with (and gained a bunch of weight, but that's entirely beside the point). I got to hang out with people I know and could be honest and comfortable with from the start. I didn't feel awkward about using my own American figures of speech. All in all, it was perfect! It was exactly what we needed and when we returned home to London we decided that we wouldn't have changed a thing! (So, thank you to everyone who was so warm and hospitable.)
I mention all of those comforts because they are in direct contrast to what life has been like for me the first few months in London. (I am just speaking for myself here. Mark and my experiences are really quite different. He would probably agree with me on some of what I say, but I don't want to make assumptions and speak for him.) Things have not been terrible. I have every necessary comfort and probably couldn't have had a better transition to a different country when I look at the big picture. The thing I missed the most was comfort. Nothing was comfortable. Nothing was easy. Having to learn new ways of doing basic things gets really tiring. Knowing how to easily navigate your daily life allows you to relax in a way that I just didn't do for quite a while. I'm starting to relax now and realize that maybe a little bit of discomfort isn't such a bad thing.
I haven't had a smart phone since we moved here. My prepaid phone makes texting super annoying so I do it as little as possible. The only way to get online is with the computer. It's a laptop so it's still portable but I can't do anything online while we're on the bus or walking to the market. I have been looking forward to getting an iPhone, and then today I read an article that kind of rocked my world. The author has decided to stop wasting her time with her children by being on her phone or computer all the time. It made me kind of glad that I haven't been able to get an iPhone yet. I don't have a lot of self-control when I have access to those kinds of devices. I also decided that maybe I'll put my laptop upstairs so that I only use it during Vivi's naps or after she's in bed.
These two topics seem to be inextricably linked for me. Moving to London has forced me to be incredibly intentional about almost every aspect of my life. A move towards cutting myself off from email and Facebook while Vivian is awake doesn't seem like it's that hard after the adjustments that we've all made over the past year. If we were still living our wonderfully comfortable life in Oak Park, I don't know if I would be willing to put up with that discomfort. I don't think I'd be willing to throw away my smart phone and get an annoying old phone that is so frustrating I never use it.
I have several friends who are really good at living intentionally. Just this past year a very good friend examined her life and decided that there were certain things missing from it, so she made some big changes. I was inspired at the time, but wasn't even comfortable enough in my life here to relate to what she meant. Now I am. It's wonderful to be comfortable. I am doing everything I can to get myself and my family to place where we are comfortable living here, in this house, in the city, in this country. But, while I'm working so hard to create the life that we want to be living, I figure I may as well do it in a way that is best for us all in the long run.
(And, now off to do some ironing while Vivian is still sleeping. Ironing... another super annoying and time-consuming thing that I have had to begin doing since we've moved here.)
