My sister had a baby

My sister Kristin had a baby yesterday.  Declan Rhys Wurgler O'Brien was born in the morning and is absolutely stunning.

I was able to talk to Kristin shortly after Declan was born and I was completely caught off guard by how emotional I became.  As I was talking to her I heard Declan's squeaky little cry and I lost it.  I started crying so hard.  I got my composure and finished the conversation, but after I hung up I just stood in the middle of my brightly lit kitchen sobbing for quite a long time.  If my neighbours happened to look down into my kitchen windows, I'm sure they would have been quite curious about why I was just standing there crying.

I cried because I am so happy that he is here safe and healthy.  And that my sister is safe and healthy.  I cried because I realised how amazing it is that he is so new and will one day be 5 months like Violet and 3 years like Vivian.  All of that potential and possibility is stored up in his tiny squeaky little self.  I cried because I feel for Kristin and Austin.  They are embarking on the most trying and emotional and difficult and amazing journey of their life.  It is absolutely brutal sometimes and sometimes it's carefree, fun and beautiful.  I also cried a lot because I am so incredibly disappointed to be so incredibly far away from people I love so incredibly much.  It's heart-wrenching.  Truly heart-wrenching.

I'm glad we're here.  I know I'm learning and growing and evolving and improving, but man is it sad to miss out on important things happening to my family!  I keep trying to Seize the Day here.  I try to not dwell on what I'm missing out on but what I'm able to do.  I'm usually quite good at that.  Lately it's been challenging.  And, not only because I'm always exhausted.  It's because I truly, truly, truly wish I was home, holding my new nephew and smelling his gorgeous long, dark hair!

Emily's next.  I hope I recover from this sob session by the time my niece arrives!

Sleeping

I live in London.  But basically I am just a mom trying my best to raise healthy, well-adjusted kids on minimal sleep.  It's a tough job.  Especially when I'm completely exhausted... which is how I've been for the past 5 months.  Honestly, it has been rough since Violet has been born.  Posterior delivery, tongue tie, severe double mastitis, tongue tie snip, recurrent mastitis, international travel, recurrent tongue tie, second tongue tie snip, Mark traveling to Chicago, 5 months of way too little sleep.

I have to stop myself now to say how thankful I am to have two healthy girls.  A tongue tie is NOTHING on the scheme of things.  It doesn't necessarily feel that way when it feels like someone is stabbing you through the nipple with a hot knife every time you feed your baby though.  Lack of sleep does have a way of making everything seem a lot worse and less manageable than it really is.

This week Mark is in Chicago again.  Last time he was there I was waking Violet up every 3 hours to feed her so that her tongue tie wouldn't reattach.  This time I am training her to sleep through the night again.  It didn't start that way though.  It started with me sobbing for hours because she wouldn't sleep.  Calling my mom sobbing because I was at my wits end.  Snapping at her because she suggested that rocking Violet to sleep every single time she woke up in the night maybe wasn't a good habit.  Turns out she was right.  Yesterday I began a sleep training program where I sit next to her bed and let her lay there and soothe herself.  I can reassure her, pat her back, talk to her and occasionally pick her up if I think it will help, but ultimately I'm teaching her how to put herself back to sleep.  I was really skeptical.  I didn't want to abandon my sweet 5 month old baby when she needed me, so I didn't.  I stayed right there until she fell asleep.  And she did!  After 30 minutes.  She woke up briefly at 9:30 last night and then slept until... wait for it... 4 a.m.  Unbelievable.  I am so excited I can barely stand it.  Now I'm just optimistic enough about the future to not be a wreck.  I'm still tired, but I can handle it if I know that it doesn't have to be like this for the rest of my entire life!

I'm not good when I'm tired.  I'm not sure that anyone is really good, but I'm terrible.  I'm an impatient, frustrated and snappy mom.  I'm weepy and melodramatic and pessimistic and constantly overwhelmed. But I don't have to be this way for long.  Now I can be stable and functioning and patient.

Hooray for hope!  Hooray for sleep!



PS. We're planning a trip to Ireland in the next few weeks.  There will be some more fun travel-y types of posts at that point.

Sharing a Room

I am bursting with pride right now, and I think it's a bit of an overreaction.

Yesterday we bought a single bed (really nice bed, really good deal) for Vivian so that we can turn the cot bed (toddler bed) back into a cot (crib) for Violet.  We have always intended for them to share a room but I've just been a bit nervous about it.  With Vivian I was always so freaked out about her sleep that I wouldn't even enter the room during her nap for fear of waking her up.  I never did anything that interfered with her nap schedule and would spend hours online reading about what I should do when something would go awry.  She was a generally good sleeper too.  I'm pretty sure that my neuroses is the only thing that kept her from sleeping perfectly at all times.

Violet is not so lucky (or is she?).  Her schedule has to fit around our life because I don't have the luxury of not going to pick up Viv from nursery if Violet is asleep.  She spends a large portion of her life in my Ergo Baby Carrier being toted from home to wherever it is we need to go.  And, you know what?  She is just as good a sleeper, or maybe even better, than Vivian was... go figure.

So, I was a bit apprehensive about putting them in the same room.  To be honest, I wasn't even going to attempt it for a couple of months.  But... we got this new bed yesterday and needed to leave the crib in there and figured we might as well try it all at once.  The pack n' play is still set up in our room so that we can bring her back in if we need to, but I am optimistic.  Last night Violet slept from 7 pm to 5 am without waking up.  We, of course, didn't get to sleep through.  Vivian wet the bed at 1 so we were up changing sheets, bathing her and begging her to cry a little bit more quietly so that Violet didn't wake up.  She didn't cry more quietly and Violet still didn't wake up.  Miracle!

Now we just need to get Violet to sleep through the night and Vivian to stay dry during the night.  If and when that happens I am seriously going to feel like a million bucks.  There just might be a light at the end of this crazy tunnel.

Sleep Makes All the Difference

Last week I almost lost it. Mark stayed home Friday and let me get some sleep and a tiny bit of down time. Throughout the weekend I slowly but surely started feeling better and more able to deal with life. I was proactive about talking with other mums and I don't feel so crazy anymore. Everyone melts down, usually from sheer exhaustion. Everything just seems so much less hopeful when you haven't slept.

Now I am sitting here rocking my sleeping baby while my lovely little preschooler sleeps peacefully in the other room and all seems right with the world. We had a rough evening on our own because Mark had a work function, but I was able to approach it from a stable place because I am only really tired instead of exhausted, or "knackered."

It is funny because going through this has made me really appreciate the community that I have here. The more you work through hard times in your life with people, the more you bond with them. On one hand it is really nice to bond and feel more supported. On the other hand, it makes me nervous because I know it will be harder to leave after going through this here with these friends. I know this is short-sighted, but that is the kind of thing that makes me wish we never would have come. I don't like missing people. I don't like being away from my family in California. I don't like being away from my friends from California or Chicago. I don't like that I can't just drive down to see Emily and ET on a weekend if I want to. ... And now I will have more friends to miss. I guess the only constant is change. Even if we had stayed put it wouldn't have all been perfect. Friends would have moved away from us or something. 

Oh well, time to quit analyzing and just let myself be happy when I can and allow myself to admit that being a mom really does suck sometimes... But then it gets good again. :)

Back in the USA

I didn't think much about my reaction to things back in the US during this trip home.  We've been home once and there were a few things that struck me, but it wasn't very drastic, so I thought this time would be the same.  So far, it is with one exception... I was totally thrown off my the driver being on the left side of the car.  Can you believe it?  When we got into the car that picked us up to take us home last night I got in and did a double take.  Then I got totally freaked out that it threw me off.  It was a weird experience, and I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was tired, probably dehydrated and very busy trying to get both of my exhausted girls into a huge SUV.  We don't have a car in London and drive maybe once a month to go to Costco or maybe on a trip out of the city.  I am just really surprised that I've grown so used to that in particular.

Our flight was pretty good.  Neither of us expected to get to sleep which was a good expectation to have because it was impossible.  We left the house at 11 a.m. in London and arrived at Mark's parents house at 1:30 a.m. London time.  That is a 13 hour trip which is not bad at all considering that we did what used to take people a year or so to do!  It is, however, a long trip for a 3 year old that had no nap and only slept for one hour on the plane on my lap.  Thank goodness for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the iPad.

We did have a couple of mishaps on the plane.  First, Vivian dumped a cup of water on herself and we had to strip her down and change her clothes (luckily I brought extra clothes for her).  Second, Vivian knocked her ENTIRE tray of dinner on the floor upside down.  It was an accident and I decided to not use it as a teaching moment, so I got down on the ground with Violet in the Baby Bjorn and scraped chicken, green beans and their sauce out of the carpet.  Fun.  Third, while trying to help adjust Vivian's new "kid-sized" headphones I poked her right in the eye.  She was a bit of a (loud) mess for a little while and I felt really bad.

Now we're at Mark's parents house.  Everything is wonderful and comfortable and set up so nicely for us and I can't sleep.  Vivian went to sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow around 8 and we haven't heard a peep from her since.  She's sleeping in a big bed too, so I thought it might be a problem... NOPE!  She's so wiped out.  Violet has been great... just sleeping like a baby, which is a bit less restful than it sounds.  Mark is generally a good sleeper, but both of us were wide awake and got the giggles around 4 a.m.  It's amazing what kinds of things are absolutely hilarious when you're exhausted and have a tiny baby staring at you with huge owl eyes in the middle of the night.

I can't wait to see beloved family and friends... I have been so excited to come home and refill my reserves!

Violet's Birth

Violet Elizabeth Wurgler Adams was born on the 7th of June at 4:29 a.m.  She was 8 days late.  Before her birth I was getting really antsy about having the baby and wanted to get on with things.  My mom gave me some great advice.  She said that my life would be a lot more complicated once the baby came, so I should take advantage of the time while I had it and make a list of things that would be nice to get done if I could.  I did!  I got my hair cut, made some banana bread and generally relaxed.  I felt much better once I just chilled out.

I will tell the nitty gritty NHS details in another post because otherwise this one would get way too long and I don't have chunks of time long enough to write posts like that anymore.

So, when I went into labour on Wednesday night around 11:30 p.m. I didn't wake up Mark because I wanted him to at least be well rested.  I barely slept because I thought that things might happen really quickly this time around... they did not.  My contractions were fairly regular all night and Thursday morning until Vivian woke up.  That day I had Mark stay home thinking we would be having the baby any time.  We went out to breakfast as a family of three and then sent Vivian to our neighbour and friend down the street.  Nothing happened.

We picked Vivian up from our friend's house because she couldn't stay overnight there and put her to bed at home.  As soon as she was in bed I started having more intense contractions and they were fairly regular.  Our friend Rosie came over around 9 and we went to the hospital around 9:30.  (Refer to the post about Violet's Birth and the NHS for the rest of this story... if you want to.)  Violet was born at 4:29 a.m. and we were home by 4:30 p.m. to pick up Vivian.  Rosie was amazing.

Rosie is an English woman who I met through the playgroup that I help with at church.  When I told her I was pregnant in September I mentioned that I was nervous because I didn't know what to do with Vivian.  She was so excited.  She really wanted to be the one to come over and watch Vivian when I went into labour.  She said that she didn't have anyone to watch her oldest daughter when her youngest was born and she wanted to be able to do that for someone.  I have since learned that she is just an extremely helpful, loving and generous person. She is always doing nice things for people.

When we arrived home, Rosie was sitting on the front porch with Vivian and her two girls, Beatrice and Isabel.  Vivian was super happy and had been having a blast.  What a blessing!  It was so wonderful to not need to worry about Viv while we were at the hospital.

Right after we introduced Vivian to the baby (she wasn't named until she was 8 days old) we presented her with the gift that the baby had bought for Vivian.  It was a brand new pink scooter.  It was wrapped up in sparkly silver paper that Viv had a great time ripping open.  She was SOOO excited!  She started scooting around the house (of course we had to set up some rules right away.  No scooting in the house.)  We talked her into presenting her gifts to the baby before she went out scooting with her dad.  Mark took her out scooting for quite a while and I sat on the couch gazing at my sweet newborn baby girl.  I was so happy.

Status Update

At the end of my last blog post I said, "I will keep you posted."  Well... it's been almost 3 months since that post and I have obviously not kept you posted.  Sorry!

Violet Elizabeth was born on the 7th of June at St. George's Hospital.  I will write a separate post about the birth experience with the NHS.  It will be revisionist history, but I'll do my best.

Right now I want to record what's going on currently.

First off, Mark got his UK drivers license on Friday!  It was a lot of work and he was really nervous that he wouldn't pass, but he did on his first try!  Prior to taking the practical driving test, he had to pass the theory test and do 5 hours of driving practice with an instructor.  They don't mess around here.

We booked a Zipcar for Saturday so that we could celebrate by driving around... and we did.  The first place I wanted to go was Costco.  I realize how ridiculous this is!  I guess you can take the girl out of America, but you can't take away her love of huge warehouses filled with consumer goods in bulk.  Perhaps I should do some self-examination.

Speaking of self-examination, since Violet's birth I have become quite homesick again.  It makes me sad to be raising my kids far away from our family and friends.  Even in Chicago I missed being close to my family, but at least we could get there relatively easily and without exorbitant cost.  Now in order to come home we have to pay £3,000 minimum and plan for 2-3 weeks for it to make sense.  It's just harder.  I'm really trying to suck the marrow out of life while we're here.  I want to live in the moment and enjoy where we are and all of the things we can access from our home base.  But... it's is really stinking hard to suck the marrow out of life abroad with two small children.  Every time we have a chance to travel, I want to come home to see my family.  When we have free weekends, we enjoy driving to nearby attractions within England, but the thought of packing up all four of us for a few days in a foreign country doesn't really appeal to me all that much.  Don't worry... we're going to do it anyway.  We're making a list of the places we want to see before we move and we're going to do our best to get there... it's just quite challenging.

At this point, we're probably here for about 1-2 more years.  It could definitely be longer if we wanted it to be, but like I've mentioned above, we miss our family and friends!

Our first British Birthday Party

This afternoon Vivian and I went to our first British birthday party.  Vivian's friend named Isabel turned two today.  They had a "birthday tea" at their house and it was quite nice.  We arrived late because Vivian napped a little late today, but we didn't miss any festivities.

I'm not sure that all birthday parties are exactly the same, but there is one obvious game that everyone plays that we were completely clueless about: pass the parcel.  So, they take one small gift and wrap it as many times as there are children and each time they wrap it they put a little gift inside.  Then they play music and when the music stops the child holding the parcel gets to unwrap a layer of paper.  In this case there were tiny board books in each set of wrapping.  It is quite fun.  Every child gets to unwrap a layer and they all do quite well passing the parcel (except Vivian who had absolutely no idea what was going on and what she was supposed to do).  At the end the final unwrapping stage landed on Vivian, so she got to keep the main gift!  Apparently Rosie (Isabel's mum) bought it specifically for Vivian because it was an English traditional video of someone named "Postman Pat."  I think it's a cartoon that has small episodes of classically known British stories or something like that.  We'll see once we watch it I guess.

After the treasure hunt, which involved all of the children finding chocolate bars around the room, and then another treasure hunt which involved the children finding eggs stuffed with gummy candy in a box full of packing peanuts, we played pass the parcel, the children had "tea" (which is just dinner), the adults (mums) had a glass of prosecco and then everyone had cake which also had gummies on top.  I'm absolutely positive that this is the most sugar Vivian has ever had in her life.  She was quite happy as we walked home and played energetically "splashing" on the couch for a while when we got home and then started getting really whiny.  Needless to say I put her to bed about 30 minutes early and now I'm sitting down to enjoy my freshly delivered Indian food.

I'm glad that we've been to a British birthday party!  It was great.  I'd like to incorporate pass the parcel into our traditions, because it's so fun and inclusive.  I don't think I'll incorporate quite so many opportunities to gorge on sugar however... but that's just me.

Bit of a Breakdown

I started crying on Northcote Road today.

Saturdays are usually super fun family days where we get up, go to breakfast and do something fun together before Vivi's nap.  Today I had planned to take Viv out to breakfast, but by the time we were up and ready I decided it was smarter to just eat before we went anywhere.  I wanted to check out a shop that sells maternity clothes on Northcote Road, so we got to take the big red bus a couple of stops.  As soon as we got on the bus Viv started crying because she wanted to sit in a seat upstairs.  Well, I can't carry her and the buggy and my belly up those stairs, so she ended up continuing to cry until we got off the bus.  No explanations helped.

We went to the maternity store and the stuff I wanted to try on didn't really work and there was nothing there that looked appealing so we went to the kids store next door and found some rubber duckies that don't have holes in the bottom... Why do so many bath toys have holes in the bottom?  The water gets in and then they can't get dry enough and end up molding... terrible.  Vivi was so excited about her new duckies that she carried them for quite a ways until she got tired.  We stopped at one more shop which is a child's charity shop (thrift store).  At that point she asked nicely if she could hold the pink rubber duckie.  Of course.  So I got it out for her and she immediately started screaming because the duckies tail got in the way of her holding it around the neck like she wanted.  I finally took it away and she calmed down.

10 yards down the road (with very narrow sidewalks and a very busy street) she noticed that in my attempt to get the pink duckie out of the duckie cylinder the green duckie got turned around.  It was at the bottom and she wanted me to straighten it out.  No way.  Screaming fit.  I asked her to hold my hand and she had a complete meltdown.  She wouldn't hold my hand and she wouldn't get in the buggy.  I tried everything.  Eventually I started crying too, because what else could I do.  She wouldn't move, she wouldn't cooperate and she was completely beyond reason.  I know she was exhausted, but I can't get her home unless she works with me.  I am no longer capable on just picking her up and walking with her kicking and screaming.  My belly is too big, she's too big and I can't take deep enough breaths to handle it.  So, I sat there crying on the side of one of the busiest streets in Southwest London with happy families walking past me constantly while my toddler screamed as if I were beating her.

Eventually she just calmed herself down and asked to get in the buggy and then happily played with her pink duck while I slowly pushed her home.

She's exhausted.  She hasn't been sleeping during her nap.  I'm exhausted.  I have been waking up every two hours and can't nap during the day because they're doing construction next door.  I'm reading a book about Highly Sensitive Children (I think she's highly sensitive for several reasons) and supposedly there is a section that talks about how to discipline children like that.  Maybe I should skip ahead.

When we got home we cuddled on the couch a little bit and then I told her it was time to go potty and take a nap.  Once again, complete meltdown.  I can't force her to sit on the toilet.  Somehow I talked her into it and then she freaked out again when I said we needed to go upstairs instead of downstairs because it was naptime.  She refused.  So, I picked her up and put her in her room and shut the door.  She screamed bloody murder while I sat and cried some more.  Eventually I went in there, crying, and just told her that I don't know how I'm supposed to handle these situations.  She started crying more and told me not to cry.  Then she told me that she loved me.  I told her that it is really hard for me when she doesn't cooperate and she screams and she told me that she didn't want to scream.  It was actually kind of a sweet moment, but man, I was just at the end of my rope.  I feel like I'm getting worse and worse at being a mom.  I'm too tired.  I don't have the strength to hold her for hours at a time like she wants me to.  And I honestly have no idea how to handle these meltdown moments.  The only thing I can think of is that we should have just stayed home so that I could put her down early since she's obviously really tired.  But then I'm totally trapped.

I need some solid, uninterrupted sleep and a glass of wine.  But I guess both will have to wait.

Goldilocks and Just the One Bear

It's hard to convey the little differences in life here.  To help me do it I am typing out the words to a book that Vivi LOVES called Goldilocks and Just the One Bear by Leigh Hodgkinson.  We have to return it to the library today, but I'm sure we'll check it out again soon.


Once upon a time, there was this bear.
One minute, he was lolloping about in the wood all happy-go-lucky...
The next minute, he hadn't a crumb-of-a-clue where he was.
He was one COMPLETELY lost bear.

The bear didn't much like this place.
Too many bright lights and not enough twigs.
Too much loud honking and beeping and not NEARLY enough owl-hooting.

The bear was also a teeny bit scared and his furry legs had gone slightly WOBBLY.
"Maybe the thing to do," said the bear looking round, "is to nip into 'Snooty Towers' here, and get away from this TERRIBLE racket."

But the spinny 'Snooty Towers' door made the bear feel dizzy and being dizzy with wobbly legs was bad news.

What the bear needed was a little sit-down.
A little sit-down somewhere would DEFINITELY see him tickety-boo.

The bear peeked through a door and thought how very pleasant it was up here.
"Not nasty and noisy like down there," thought the bear.  "Just the place for a little sit-down."

All that whooshy travelling was certainly a hungry business so, before his little sit-down, a spot of porridge seemed a good idea...

"THIS porridge is too SOGGY," said the bear.
"THIS porridge is too CRUNCHY," said the bear.
"THIS porridge is a little bit on the DRY side," said the bear, "but it is better than nothing."
Now the bear was ready for his little sit-down.

"THIS chair is too OUCHY," said the bear.
"THIS chair is too NOISY," said the bear.
"THIS chair is JUST right!" said the bear.
A little sit-down is all very well, but what the bear needed to feel really tickety-boo was a good old-fashioned lie-down in a comfy bed...

"...THIS bed is too FROTHY," said the bear.
"THIS bed is too PINK," said the bear.
"THIS bed is JUST right," yawned the bear.
And soon he nodded off.

The bear dreamt of...
...CRUNCHING through leaves.
The bear dreamt of pottering about in his slippers.
The bear dreamt of...
...a voice shouting very, VERY LOUDLY.

"SOMEBODY has been eating from MY fish bowl!" said the daddy person.
"SOMEBODY has been eating MY dear little Pumpkin's kittynibbles!" said the mummy person.
"And SOMEBODY has been eating MY toast," said the little person. "And they've eaten it all up!"

Unfortunately, the bear was not dreaming at all.  He was WIDE-AWAKE and back in real life again.

"SOMEBODY has SQUISHED MY cactus!" said the daddy person.
"SOMEBODY has UPSET MY dear little Pumpkin!" said the mummy person.
"And SOMEBODY has POPPED MY bean bag!" said the little person.

"SOMEBODY has been sleeping in MY bath!" said the daddy person.
"SOMEBODY has been sleeping in MY bed!" said the mummy person.
"SHHHH!" whispered the little person. "I think that SOMEBODY is sleeping in MY bed right now!"

The bear peeked from under the duvet to see a daddy person, a mummy person and a little person standing right there.

The bear thought that the mummy person looked ever-so slightly familiar.  And the mummy person thought that...
SCOFFING other people's breakfast,
BREAKING other people's stuff, and
SNOOZING in other people's beds...
seemed ever-so slightly familiar too.  Then, the penny dropped...

"Little Bear?" said the mummy person.
"Goldilocks?" said the bear.

"Porridge?" asked Goldilocks.
The bear nodded.
So Goldilocks cooked up a BIG bowl and plonked it in front of him.

It was not too HOT.
It was not too COLD.
It was JUST right.

It made the bear almost forget about that once-upon-a-time when Goldilocks had behaved so badly.
THIS little bear would never DREAM of doing ANYTHING like that.

And although it had been good to see Goldilocks living so happily ever after with those CHARMING people, the bear decided it was time to go back home to the woods.

Playgroup Meeting

When we went to church on Sunday there was an announcement in the bulletin that there would be a playgroup planning meeting on Wednesday morning at 10.  I told the vicar (I learned that's what you call them) that I planned to attend.  This morning we showed up about 5 minutes early and the vicar was so happy to see us.  She had apparently hand invited the other 3 mums and I was the only one who showed up just because I read the bulletin.  I am SO glad that I went.

Now I am one of the founding members of a new playgroup that will be incredibly close to our house.  I get to have input on what the playgroup will be like and how it will run.  I get to help decide about toys, crafts and rules.  I am so excited.

The absolute best part about the meeting, though, was meeting the other mums and hearing all about how playgroups usually work here.  It is so different than anything I'm used to.  So, for those of you who have any interest in this topic, here it is:

Playgroups are usually run by churches or community organizations like Salvation Army.  They cost between 50p and £2.50 for about 2 hours of playtime.  The "good ones," and good is described differently by different mums, are heavily oversubscribed and it's very difficult to get in.  There is one located at the Baptist Church that is so popular that it takes a while to even get your name on the waiting list.  That is crazy to me.

There is one playgroup that was mentioned several times called Cheeky Monkeys at the Salvation Army.  This is run by an older woman who doesn't bring her own children (most are run by mums with toddlers that they bring) named Viola.  She runs her playgroup like a nursery school.  It is very structured and very strict.  That is fantastic for some mums who like the structure because they're able to relax a bit more, but bad for others whose kids don't do well within structured environments.

I definitely want to check out some other playgroups now that I've heard about how they work, but it turns out that most of them close for the holiday so they won't reopen until September.  It's a bummer to just be getting settled when everything shuts down, but there are other areas that ramp up their offerings during the holiday (one of which I'm visiting tomorrow, so you'll get a full report).  It's all very interesting.  I guess there is a bit of a different mentality when all of the schools have the exact same schedules.  It's easier to schedule this type of thing.

The 3 mums that I met during the meeting were so nice.  I mentioned some things that I had heard and apologized if I got the names wrong or mispronounced words like "leisure."  They said it was refreshing.  How wonderful!  They also said that they only thing they don't like about Americans is the way we spell.  HA!  I keep thinking that I'm doing my best to fit in by using words like buggy, nappy and mum, but in reality I should be trying harder to spell neighbourhood, favourite and colour "correctly."  Well, now I know!  (I guess that's something for you to look forward to.)

When we walked home from the meeting this morning (actually we ran because we were doing Super Speedy) I felt like I was on top of the world.  I was laughing to myself because I feel like a ping pong ball.  I hope I don't mention this too much and become boring, but it is absolutely amazing how drastically emotional this experience has been for me.  I don't consider myself to be an emotional flat-liner by any means, but I'm not a basket case either (most of the time).  Since we've been here, Balham particularly, I feel like I'm being tossed around emotionally.  Not ping pong so much as when you put the balls on top of a parachute and then wave it really hard.  It's just that I haven't ever really felt like I'm on solid ground.  There are moments of complete excitement and hope and happiness and then moments of almost despair and darkness and hopelessness.  The sunshine definitely helps, but I believe that a lot of it is a function of "culture shock."  I don't know if it's the culture though.  I think it's just the starting over with no network.  I probably would have experienced the same amount of culture shock if we moved to New York or San Francisco... actually, nevermind.  It is culture shock.

It's funny to write things out like this... I have written an entire page about how I'm learning and getting used to how things work here and how different it is from what I'm used to and then I say in the next paragraph that I don't believe the change in culture is affecting me.  I don't know how people work through this type of thing without writing it out and then re-reading it.  I would be lost without it... I'm an addict.

I made a friend today...

But there was a lot more to my day than that.  I don’t really even know what chronology to use to tell this story.  Maybe I’ll follow my old pattern of telling the story from morning to night (I’m getting a bit bored with that, though, so after this I’m going to switch it up).

On Saturday I ordered sheets, towels and a mattress pad from John Lewis, which is a local department store that delivers anything you order to a local grocery store and you can pick it up the next day.  The only reason I can think of that I did that rather than just have it delivered to my house is novelty.  I was excited that I could get something so quickly and pick it up just “down the street.”  I will never do that again.

This morning I thought that Vivi and I could leave early enough to make it to the post office and Waitrose (the local grocery store where my John Lewis goods were delivered) and home for me to throw our new sheets in the wash so that we could leave again to be back to the library by story time at 11.  I was wrong.  We started on our journey just after 9 a.m. and got to the library (which is literally next door to Waitrose) at 10:55 without going home in between.  The amount of time it takes to do anything right now is just bewildering.  Part of it is my attempt to not relegate Viv to her buggy every time we need to walk anywhere, but part is also just that things take a long time here and places are much farther apart than they seem. 

We had to stop by Royal Mail to pick up a parcel that was unsuccessfully delivered on Saturday.  Then we went to Waitrose to pick up our John Lewis order and a few groceries that I needed for dinner tonight.  When I saw the bags that were waiting for me from John Lewis I thought to myself, “well, this will be interesting.”  There were three huge bags.  I completely underestimated how enormous a mattress pad would be (I guess I ordered a particularly fluffy one). 

So, we arrived at story time with a buggy so weighed down with bags and groceries that I kept getting stares from people we passed on the way in.  Story time was a great success in that I made a friend, but weird in that the librarian insists on reading books about monsters scaring the crap out of little kids.  The books actually all ended with the monsters being real and the kids in the books being terrified.  Why, oh why, would you read books like that at a story time?  Vivi doesn’t know what monsters are yet, but all of 4 year olds did and I felt so bad for their parents!

Anyways…

Adults aren’t supposed to talk during story time but I broke the rules today.  The woman next to me had cute boots so I gave her a compliment and then we chatted periodically when there were breaks between books.  Afterwards we talked for about an hour while Vivian sat looking at books and her little boy ran around the library like a wild animal. Once a dad actually walked up to her and asked her if this little chap was hers because he had stolen his daughters drawing and was running around and wouldn’t give it back. Pretty funny and also not that cool, but we’ll deal with that later when I’m not so desperate for a human connection.

She gave me all kinds of advice about finding schools and why that’s important, which toddler/preschool activities are good and bad and what it’s been like for her since she’s moved to London (she’s also an expat – from Poland). 

After our conversation we said that we hoped we would see each other at another story time and then awkwardly said goodbye while we rounded up our stuff and kids.  I kind of just got brave and asked her if she would ever like to come over to our house and play.  I said that I don’t know if people do that here, but I would love to have them come over some time.  She got all smiley and said she would love it.  We exchanged numbers and then went our separate ways.  I was so excited! 

It made the incredibly uncomfortable walk home bearable.  Vivian had to walk and hold my hand, despite being hungry and exhausted, because the buggy was full of our recent acquisitions.  She was so tired that she kept falling down and hurting her knees.  It was raining that really misty kind of rain that gets in your face no matter which direction you face.  By the time we got to our street muscles in my arm that I’d never felt before were cramping up from trying to steer the heavy-laden buggy one-handed while steering Vivian with the other. 

I got home and felt frustrated but laughed it off because that seems to be my most familiar emotion these days. 

As soon as Vivi was in bed I sat down to eat the rest of her lunch and read a deliciously long email from one of my best friends.  I spent the next hour or so sobbing.  I don’t know that I’ve cried that thoroughly in 3 years.  Cheryl lived overseas for 7 or 8 years so she has lots of experience with international adjustments and the emotional roller coaster involved.  Her email detailed some of the things that I’ve been mentioning in my blog and how she can relate or appreciate where I’m coming from.  She told me about what’s going on in her life.  It was wonderful.  It made me feel understood.  It made me feel loved.  It made me feel desperately lonely. 

I sat at the table in our kitchen shaking with sobs during almost all of Vivi’s nap.  When she woke up I had done nothing on my to do list.  I have always hated when people say that there are just not enough hours in a day.  It makes me think that they a) manage their time poorly b) take on too much or c) just say that to get attention.  Well, I said that today.  I’m really trying to be a good mom in the midst of all of this too.  It’s hard.  My mom encouraged me and gave me some ideas of what to do with Viv, so this afternoon we made a cardboard house/fort (we have an overwhelming plethora of cardboard).  She loved it!  I am really going to try to do activities like this every day.  I at least want to try to make the tasks that I’m doing fun for her. 

The dinner I made tonight was supposed to be quick and easy but ended up taking forever.  At one point I spilled garlic powder into the new dish that I was trying.  I had thought that after having a good cry this afternoon I would feel all of the frustration and anger about little things lift or even evaporate.  Not so.  It's still very frustrating trying to dry King Sized (Queen in the US is called King here) sheets on a drying rack.  It's also still frustrating to cook dinner with a 2-year-old begging to be picked up and sticking her head in between your legs.  

I keep saying this type of thing, but maybe, just maybe things will get easier when... 

Fun Normalish Day

Vivi and I didn't do anything crazy today but we had a great time.  We walked to the market (my foot seems to be fine when I walk, just not when I twist it or squeeze the sides of it) and found a playground on the way back!  I wish I would have found this sooner, but we haven't been suffering for lack of entertainment.

She loved the swings and the tunnel and jumping down a little hill (she's quite the jumper these days).  There seemed to be a lot of moms who didn't have British accents.  I'm not quite sure what they were but they were transplants like me.

Playing with her new gifts

During Vivi's nap we got a package delivered with a birthday present from Nana and Boorah.  When she woke up we dug in and found loads of amazing toy kitchen pots, pans, utensils, an oven mit, fruits and vegetables in crates and an egg carton toy.  Vivi is in heaven.  She's been cooking up a storm ever since.  It's going to go perfectly with the play kitchen that we're getting for her once we're in our new house.  I can't wait!  I had a play kitchen when I was little and it was really fun.  The pots and pans are even red enamel!  They would go perfectly in my kitchen (I'm actually a bit jealous)!


Tonight when Mark got home Vivi told him all about the new presents that she got and showed him how she cooks with her pots, pans and utensils.  She knows all of the names of the utensils and is quite a culinary artist already!  She is at SUCH a fun age with the pretending and communicating.  It is definitely exciting to be a part of all of this!

Gratuitous Vivi shot playing with olives on her fingers

What a fantastic day! (except that England lost)

We had the best day today!  This morning we went over to Kensington Gardens just to have a laid back walk through some beautiful green space.  We bought some London walking cards when we were here in March (cards that highlight several neighborhoods in London and give you specific directions about where to go, what to eat and which places to check out).  Today we chose the Kensington Garden walk and took the bus rather than the Tube.  Since Mark was with us I didn't plan our travel as thoroughly as I do when it's just Viv and I so I didn't pay attention to which bus stops lead up to the stop we needed to get off on.  We ended up getting off the bus 4 stops too early, but it worked out so well!

We got to watch some young kids learning how to ride horses, walked through what seemed almost like wild, untamed nature (which of course it was not) and happened upon a little garden called the Allotment.  It was a vegetable garden with chickens, compost and all kinds of lessons about gardening for children.  It was wonderful.  We stayed in this little garden for probably an hour.  Vivi was mesmerized by the chickens and loved walking up and down the little stairs created by railroad ties.  It inspired me and made me extremely anxious to get into our house and get into our garden!

We walked over through the park to the Kensington Palace which I was dying to tour.  There is a museum inside with apartments of royals set up.  I love that kind of thing.  It highlights Queen Victoria, whom I know very little about, and Princess Diana who lived in the palace for quite a while.  The gardens in the front were gorgeous and everything was just perfect.  It was so much fun.  I didn't actually buy tickets to take the tour because we didn't have time to really linger, but I will definitely do this soon!

Hands in her pockets... a new development

This afternoon we just sat around and played with Viv and then tonight we let her stay up through the first half of the England-Italy match in Euro 2012 because she LOVES watching football (and because she took a 3+ hour nap).  The match was amazing.  It went into overtime and then they lost in penalty kicks at the end.  It was disappointing, but honestly England got farther than anyone thought they would.  The Euro cup has definitely got me interested in football and I look forward to figuring out which premier league team we're going to follow.  I've heard you really need to think it through and make an educated decision about who you'll follow or else people won't respect you.  Football is a HUGE deal here.  It's insane.

Mesmerized

Mark and I were talking tonight about our time here so far.  We came to London with plans to make some changes in our lives for the better.  We have realized that we have done that in a lot of ways and plan to remain intentional about improving ourselves every week.  When we move to Balham things will be different, but we still plan to take advantage of what London has to offer in terms of culture, history and learning.  It really has been fantastic in that regard and we look forward to learning all kinds of new stuff once we start living our real life.  I'm excited about it.

Fun Saturday

We have been really excited about this weekend.  It's our last weekend here in Westminster before we move and become real people. :)  Today we took advantage of our family time by doing tons of stuff.

We took the Tube to the London Bridge stop and went to Southwark Cathedral.  There was a choir rehearsing so we sat there listening to beautiful music in an absolutely beautiful cathedral.  It fueled my desire to go to church once we move down.  Vivi sat on a seat for about 20 minutes just listening to the choir with rapt attention.  She wasn't completely quiet because she really hasn't mastered whispering when it's appropriate.  We kept telling her to whisper but she kept saying in a loud voice that a choir was singing (Mark taught her about the choir).  As we were leaving they started singing "How Great Thou Art."  Killing me.  I love that song!

The Borough Market is just outside the cathedral so we went over there right after.  This market is all food.  It was amazing.  There were so many stalls full of cheese, olives, sausages, chocolates, produce and prepared foods.  We tried some yummy stuff today and promised to come back after we're not vegan anymore.  (It was quite tempting but we were strong.)

After coming home for Vivi's nap we decided to go to the Aquarium.  Mark has heard so much about how much Vivi loves the aquarium, he wanted to see it for himself.  And he did.  Viv acts like an expert there now.  She checks out the fish, says, "More fish" and moves onto the next station.  She touched the starfish and sea anemone like a pro, pointed at all the sharks, loved the sleeping sea horses and spent quite a lot of time watching the penguins (the ones that weren't asleep at least).

Standing over the shark tank

Touching the starfish

She loves pretending she's asleep

One of the few pictures of her that was relatively in focus (no flash allowed in the Aquarium)

We came home, fed Viv, put her down and ordered Indian food.  O M G.  It was delicious.  I wish we'd found this place sooner.  Now I'm going to be a bit bummed to leave here just because of our access to this restaurant.  Everything we ordered was vegan and it was fantastic.  Spicy enough that my nose was running but I wasn't wishing I was dead (it's a fine line).

Tomorrow I'm really hoping we can make it to the Tower of London.  I'm a bit obsessed with the Henry VIII time period and there is a lot of Henry VIII history at the Tower of London.  We'll see if that happens.  Either way... YAY WEEKEND!

Splashing in Puddles

For Vivian's birthday, Mark's parent sent her rain gear.  It's adorable!  She now has matching umbrella, rain coat and boots with polka dots.  To say she loves it would be a drastic understatement.

So our activity for this morning was to go out decked out in rain gear and searching for puddles.  It rained all night last night and this morning we had a surprisingly difficult time finding puddles.  I guess that means that London does a good job with drainage.  Bravo London.

We found a little park near our flat that used to be a cemetery.  St. John's Square had a history sign up with information about how it was a cemetery for hundreds of years and finally had to shut down because of overcrowding and issues with people stealing bodies for dissection.  How weird to draw attention to that!  I guess these Brits are just very matter of fact about that kind of thing.

Eventually we found a big puddle and Vivi had a great time splashing and splashing and splashing.  She loves walking around her her umbrella like a cane and splashing that in the water as well.  It cracks me up.  (I will upload pictures of that later.)

I have decided that I'm going to learn a bit about photography.  We have this fantastic camera and this amazing location... I should be taking advantage!  I did a slight bit of research and learned about the law of thirds.  I'm going to look like quite the amateur but at least I'm trying.  (Please note that none of the pictures taken count for quality composition... I've not done the research yet.)

So, I put her down for her nap today and she cried because I made her take off her boots.  She actually threw a couple of fits about her rain gear because I wouldn't let her wear them constantly.  This should be interesting!

Vivian is TWO today!

I have copied this blog post from The Life and Times of Vivian Adams blog.  It's a private blog for me to record the funny things she says, but now that we're Becoming Londoners too, there will be some overlap like this:

Today Vivian is two years old!  So, here is a snapshot of her life:

The most defining characteristic of Vivian right now is her vocabulary.  She talks nonstop about all sorts of things.  She has lately been describing things with adjectives that she makes up.  Last night she bonked her head on a bowl so she has been saying that the bowl is very bonky.  She says that water is watery and if you jump in it you will get watery.  The sharks at the aquarium are swimming in really sharky water.  She loves reciting the books that she's read (and mostly memorized).  I would say that reading is probably still one of her favorite things to do.

Favorite stuffed animal: Neemonah of course!

Favorite toy: Bubble wrap (that we grab from the boxes at Tesco) and/or iPad (favorite apps: Elmo's ABC, Animal Fun, Fish School, I Hear Ewe and all of the opening pages for Angry Birds, Cut the Rope or Plants vs Zombies where music plays.)

Favorite physical activity: jumping - the girl just wants to jump and jump all day long - especially when there is fun music playing or there is a puddle nearby.

Favorite food: well, when I asked her what she wanted for dinner for her birthday she said "pickles for dinner."  She also really loves pasta (although we don't eat it very often), oatmeal/porridge which she has literally every single morning with a banana, lentil soup, dried cranberries (dried fruit of any kind) and crunchy crackers.

Favorite saying: "Ducks and Fish splash (sounds like fash) in the water."

Favorite animals: Dogs are definitely number one followed closely by fish

Favorite books:  This is probably whatever book is new enough to her that she doesn't yet have it memorized.  Last week I bought four new books The Snail and the Whale, The Gruffalo, Monkey Puzzle, and The Smartest Giant in Town.  They are all by Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler and they're fantastic.  She also really like The High Street and Helping-Out Day. Hooray!

Vivian is an awesome little girl.  I said from when she was tiny that I thought we were kindred spirits and I still believe that.  Mark remarks often that he thinks she is a lot like me.  Well, I take that as a compliment because I like her very much!

There was a polar bear on the corner across from Parliament Square today.  It was fake but looked very real.

This morning to celebrate her birthday we went to the Aquarium.  As we were getting ready she found a brochure from O2 phone company that has rubber duckies on it.  I'm not sure exactly what happened but she ended up throwing the brochure and then getting mad when I took it away and being mad when I gave it back to her.  It was quite the scene.  Eventually I took it away completely and put it out of her reach.  Then she lost it and threw a full-blown toddler tantrum.  It was quite the introduction into her third year of life.  She laid on the floor in the hall way screaming for so long that I finally picked her up and put her in her pack and play.  She stayed in there screaming for a few more minutes.

Meanwhile I hear a knock on the door.  Our next-door neighbor, whom we had never met, stopped by to make sure everything was alright.  I have never heard noises from any of our neighbors and I thought it was because the doors and walls were so solid.  Apparently it's just because they don't have children! YIKES.

This water is so sharkey!

Eventually I got her calmed down and we went to the Aquarium which was fantastic and then we had a picnic on the porch with our thai noodle dishes from Neds Noodle Bar.  They were great!

Getting settled in for our Birthday Lunch picnic on the porch

Trying the salty pickled ginger.

This is the face she inherited her from her father: trying new things face. She took two more helpings after this..

Happy Birthday Smiley Bean!

This afternoon Mark is coming home early from work with balloons (Vivi's only request for her birthday present) and then tonight we're having pasta and pickles and the cake that I ordered yesterday.  Should be a fun family celebration.

We are definitely happy to have Vivi in our lives and I know it's only going to get more fun!

Dinner, cake and presents were super fun.  We had spaghetti and mini gherkins (which were disgusting... England does olives very well, but pickles here are GROSS).  Vivi loved everything.  She ate almost half the jar of little pickles plus her entire plate full of spaghetti (Girl can EAT).

Pasta and Pickles

After dinner we lit the candles and sang and had some of our fancy cake.  It was pretty good considering it was vegan and gluten free.  To be honest it's not really worth it.  If you're going to eat cake, just eat cake!  Oh well... now we know.

Blowing out the candles

Vivi had a great time blowing out her candles.  She told her dad all about her day at the Aquarium while we ate cake and we also got to talk to Nana for a bit.

After two pieces of cake (in retrospect that wasn't a good idea.  She has been complaining about a hurt tummy ever since) we opened presents.  We didn't buy her a present for her birthday because we plan to get her a play kitchen and it would be silly to get one here and then have to take it apart, move it in a cab and set it up again at our new place.  So, there was just one present to open.  Mark's parents got her the cutest rain gear ever.  She is thrilled.  Tonight when she went to bed she was begging to leave her boots on and cried for a long time because we made her take them off.  Tomorrow I'm kind of hoping it rains... she would LOVE to splash in puddles with her new boots!

So happy with her new rain gear!

She's still awake babbling in her bed.  Sugar before bed is not a good idea, but it only happens once a year, so we're not too worried about it!



Happy Birthday Sweet Vivian.  We love you so much!

Waiting for deliveries

Today we didn't go anywhere because we were waiting for some deliveries.  I thought I needed to stay home all day like when you're waiting for the cable guy and they tell you they'll be there between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. That's exactly what happened today but no one ever came.  I kind of forgot that when you live in a high-rise they just drop the mail off at the front desk.  So... we stayed home all day for nothing and learned, once again, that it's just not a good idea.

Vivi is experimenting with fashion these days.

Vivian was fine.  We had a picnic on the porch and played some games like Ring around the Rosy and set up ramps to roll balls down.  I am the one who was the problem.

Picnic lunch on the porch.

I have been really enjoying my time here so far.  Partly because we were here for a couple weeks before Austin and Kristin came and I knew that they were coming.  Now we're on our own and I'm realizing that I just don't know anyone.  I mean, I know a couple of people's names and faces, but I don't know them and I definitely wouldn't call them crying because I'm lonely.  In the morning before the US is awake I have no one to talk to and yesterday that became very real to me.

So, I started downward spiraling a bit thinking of all of the terrible things that I could think about being in London and cried for a while.  After Mark came home I yelled at him a bit for no reason, I calmed down, apologized, stopped feeling sorry for myself and was much better.  I guess it's inevitable that I'm going to feel bummed out from time to time while I'm here, but I don't want to take it out on Mark!  I have decided that the most important thing for me to do is GO OUT.  It's challenging to go out every morning.  It gets tiring and it's a lot of work to get places with Viv, but it's worth it!  I get to see fun stuff, Vivi gets to see fun stuff.  I get to take pictures of her being super cute and then we come home, have lunch and she goes to sleep while I get stuff done.  So far it's a pretty magical system and I need to keep it up even after we move to Balham.

Lesson learned!

Natural History Museum

Today we decided to take a trip down to the Natural History Museum.  When I asked Vivian if she wanted to go see some skeletons of dinosaurs she said, "That sounds amaaazing!"  I laughed out loud.  Where does she come up with this stuff?  (Um, I think I know the answer to that.)

We took the Tube and it wasn't too bad this time.  Some nice people helped me with the buggy so that I wasn't struggling as much as usual.

The museum was great.  Vivi loved the skeletons of the prehistoric sloths and dolphin/fish.  She kept wanting to go back and look at those over and over.  She also liked the bird room (a bunch of taxidermied birds), especially the eggs, and the Ecology room with a spinning Earth and water cycle video art presentation.  It was really a great time... until we got to the little deli for a snack.  I have fairly strong opinions about making sure that children in restaurants don't just stand up and run all over the place while they're supposed to be eating.  When I tried to enforce those rules, she just freaked out and started completely screaming.  So, we packed up and left and she finished her apple in her buggy after she calmed down.  When that kind of thing happens I can't help but think that we should just stay home, but I still think she needs to learn how to behave and won't learn it if she isn't exposed... Am I completely off-base here?  Should we just stay home?

Mark is out at a pub with his co-workers at a work sponsored event to watch England vs Ukraine in Euro 2012.  I am home watching the match as I type.  It's a little less intense when you're blogging and watching, but it's still a good match.  I don't know enough about the sport to actually know what's going on in the middle, but I can understand what happens when they get close to the goals. :)  It's exciting!  GO ENGLAND!

Westminster Abbey puddles

This morning we said Goodbye to Kristin and Austin.  I was so sad to see them go.  We have had so much fun with them!  We all walked them to the Tube stop this morning and I cried as we walked away.  I'll miss them!

Vivi had ridden very sweetly in her buggy all the way to the Tube so I let her hold my hand and walk on the way back.  It was a bit nerve-racking because it was morning rush-hour so there were people walking quickly and purposefully past us all the time.  I held very tight to Vivi's hand.  Once we got to Westminster Abbey things opened up a little bit and Viv noticed a puddle that looked quite inviting, so I let her splash in the puddle.  This girl had not eaten breakfast yet, and must have been starving, but she stood stomping and splashing in the puddle for at least 15 minutes.  I took a bunch of pictures and videos.  It was too cute to pass up.  Splashing in a puddle in front of such a beautiful and historic architectural marvel.

We have been talking to Viv about her birthday which is coming up on Thursday.  We have mentioned to her that she is turning two and are trying to teach her how to show two on her hands.  It's pretty cute.  She just can't quite get that yet.  She has informed us that she wants cake and balloons for her birthday. I think she might remember that from when we celebrated Mark's birthday the week before our moving sale in Oak Park.  (That was a crazy week.)  I am really excited for her birthday.  We're not getting her actual present until we move into our house, but we are going to have a bit of a celebration with just the three of us.  I'm looking forward to it!