I live in London. But basically I am just a mom trying my best to raise healthy, well-adjusted kids on minimal sleep. It's a tough job. Especially when I'm completely exhausted... which is how I've been for the past 5 months. Honestly, it has been rough since Violet has been born. Posterior delivery, tongue tie, severe double mastitis, tongue tie snip, recurrent mastitis, international travel, recurrent tongue tie, second tongue tie snip, Mark traveling to Chicago, 5 months of way too little sleep.
I have to stop myself now to say how thankful I am to have two healthy girls. A tongue tie is NOTHING on the scheme of things. It doesn't necessarily feel that way when it feels like someone is stabbing you through the nipple with a hot knife every time you feed your baby though. Lack of sleep does have a way of making everything seem a lot worse and less manageable than it really is.
This week Mark is in Chicago again. Last time he was there I was waking Violet up every 3 hours to feed her so that her tongue tie wouldn't reattach. This time I am training her to sleep through the night again. It didn't start that way though. It started with me sobbing for hours because she wouldn't sleep. Calling my mom sobbing because I was at my wits end. Snapping at her because she suggested that rocking Violet to sleep every single time she woke up in the night maybe wasn't a good habit. Turns out she was right. Yesterday I began a sleep training program where I sit next to her bed and let her lay there and soothe herself. I can reassure her, pat her back, talk to her and occasionally pick her up if I think it will help, but ultimately I'm teaching her how to put herself back to sleep. I was really skeptical. I didn't want to abandon my sweet 5 month old baby when she needed me, so I didn't. I stayed right there until she fell asleep. And she did! After 30 minutes. She woke up briefly at 9:30 last night and then slept until... wait for it... 4 a.m. Unbelievable. I am so excited I can barely stand it. Now I'm just optimistic enough about the future to not be a wreck. I'm still tired, but I can handle it if I know that it doesn't have to be like this for the rest of my entire life!
I'm not good when I'm tired. I'm not sure that anyone is really good, but I'm terrible. I'm an impatient, frustrated and snappy mom. I'm weepy and melodramatic and pessimistic and constantly overwhelmed. But I don't have to be this way for long. Now I can be stable and functioning and patient.
Hooray for hope! Hooray for sleep!
PS. We're planning a trip to Ireland in the next few weeks. There will be some more fun travel-y types of posts at that point.
Showing posts with label habits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label habits. Show all posts
12 November 2013
22 September 2013
English-isms
I have just noticed lately that I have adopted a few English-isms in my daily speech. I have tried to adopt the English vocabulary for Vivian's benefit once she starts school. I don't want her to get made fun of for calling rubbish "garbage" or courgette "zucchini" or worst of all trousers "pants" (that's what they call underwear).
But aside from vocabulary there are other little things that people say that you might not notice at first, or you do, but quickly pick it up. Recently I have found myself saying:
- "You can come to mine or I can come to yours." (house)
- "Would you like to go for a coffee?" (instead of just going for coffee)
- "Do you want to walk round the school?" (instead of around)
There are also lots of little things like "pop round for a visit" and/or "nip by for a minute." People say "ta" instead of thanks and they shorten everything quite a bit. Brilliant is commonly used here as everyone knows, but quite a few people say "brill."
When typing text messages or emails, almost everyone shortens "very" to "v" and signs their name with an x, like DarcyX or Dx or Darcy x. (I'm starting to do this too, because I don't want people to think I'm rude for not blowing them a kiss at the end of what I say.)
When I was in the states I noticed that I was kissing people (on the cheek of course) that I usually just hug. (I was actually quite embarrassed afterwards, because I used to think it was SO pretentious and didn't want to be "one of those.") It's because that's what everyone does here. It's usually one kiss on the right cheek, but there are the occasional double kissers (usually people who have lived out of the country) and then it throws me all off. I used to be the worst at the kiss hello or goodbye but necessity has forced me to improve.
When I filled out the form for Vivian's nursery I made sure to specify that we speak American English at home. There is a difference!
But aside from vocabulary there are other little things that people say that you might not notice at first, or you do, but quickly pick it up. Recently I have found myself saying:
- "You can come to mine or I can come to yours." (house)
- "Would you like to go for a coffee?" (instead of just going for coffee)
- "Do you want to walk round the school?" (instead of around)
There are also lots of little things like "pop round for a visit" and/or "nip by for a minute." People say "ta" instead of thanks and they shorten everything quite a bit. Brilliant is commonly used here as everyone knows, but quite a few people say "brill."
When typing text messages or emails, almost everyone shortens "very" to "v" and signs their name with an x, like DarcyX or Dx or Darcy x. (I'm starting to do this too, because I don't want people to think I'm rude for not blowing them a kiss at the end of what I say.)
When I was in the states I noticed that I was kissing people (on the cheek of course) that I usually just hug. (I was actually quite embarrassed afterwards, because I used to think it was SO pretentious and didn't want to be "one of those.") It's because that's what everyone does here. It's usually one kiss on the right cheek, but there are the occasional double kissers (usually people who have lived out of the country) and then it throws me all off. I used to be the worst at the kiss hello or goodbye but necessity has forced me to improve.
When I filled out the form for Vivian's nursery I made sure to specify that we speak American English at home. There is a difference!
22 July 2012
SUNSHINE!
It is now Sunday evening. Mark is finishing getting Vivi down for the night and I'm sitting on the couch waiting for him to come down so that we can begin Disc 2 of the first season of Downton Abbey.
Yesterday during Vivi's nap I thought I would never feel better. I thought that I was in a funk that I would never recover from. I didn't know how to recharge. Mark listened to and totally heard me and this weekend has turned out to be FANTASTIC.
I had a few chunks of time to myself without feeling like I was totally alone. One was to talk to my dear friend Sara (thanks SO much for calling Sara... it was perfect timing) and one was to lay in bed this morning to write in my journal. I must seem like an incredibly self-reflective person to be blogging to this extent and writing in a journal. Well, I guess it is quite a bit of self-focus, but I don't know that it's a good thing. Perhaps I should just cut this out and go work in a soup kitchen. That would put things into perspective!
Which reminds me, my Aunt Bonnie wrote me an email a few days ago that had a lot of really good points which did help me keep things in perspective (things fell out of perspective a bit later, but it planted a seed!). She is an anthropologist and mentioned that I am some experiencing classic culture shock. It doesn't feel very shocking, but I'm definitely not feeling normal. She also brought up another perspective... and I quote:
"Imagine the immigrant experience -- what if you did not know the language, were discriminated against at every turn once you left the house where you landed, perhaps were exploited for labor (cleaning, housekeeping and worse) with people you were totally dependent on, could not afford any alternative? This is what many people face when they arrive in a new place trying to escape persecution or crisis. We look at the statistics, but none of them has enough education or access to technology to communicate what their lives are like and how they manage to attain their goals, find friends let alone pursue their dreams."
Here I am in a beautiful house with the means to be a stay at home mom and take advantage of all of the educational and cultural things I want to while we're here. I am in an absolutely amazing situation. I get jealous of my friends in Oak Park who are getting together for playgroups every month and watching each other's kids grow up, but I know there are also people who are envious of my chance to travel. The grass is always greener, right? I really do try to keep my eye on the big picture. It helps to have friends and family to gently remind me! Thanks Aunt Bonnie!
After my afternoon blog was written in the garden today I stayed outside and read for about an hour. We are so far north that I've not experienced even the slightest bit of sunburn since we've lived here...until today. Mamacita! I'm a lobster. I have become one of those people I described when we first came to visit London in March. It was a sunny day and people were littered all over Clapham Common just soaking up the sun. Now I completely understand why. It has been raining every single day since May and having two full days of sun, especially during the weekend, was incredible. I stayed out way longer than I should and loved every minute of it. Hopefully I don't peel, but I wouldn't take it back. It was extremely healing. Maybe next time I could just wear sunscreen.
We went to Clapham Common this afternoon when Viv got up from her nap. As we were sitting on the bus I was reflecting about how awesome it is that we were doing that. We decided when we moved here that we wanted to change some habits. One of the habits we wanted to change was that we wanted to do more things. Another was that we wanted to watch less tv. Well, since we moved to Balham we haven't done all that much because we've been really trying to get our house in order, but this weekend we had a lot of fun doing some easy, local, fun things. We also didn't even get cable or a DVR. (We did, but we have decided to send it back.) I'm so proud of us. We're following though! It feels good to follow through!
When we returned from the Common there was a flyer on the floor that had been stuck through our mail slot. It was a home-made ad from our 17 year old neighbor who is looking for babysitting jobs. I told Mark I was going to call her tomorrow. I went upstairs to open our window and she was walking by and looked up at me. So, I asked her if she was the one who gave us the flyer. She was so embarrassed. She said she felt so awkward doing that. She was so cute and seemed so sweet. She's going to come over this week sometime to meet Vivian. I'm going to call her references and check her out. Then... I'm going to recharge myself to full capacity. That flyer on the floor of the entry way was a total answer to my prayers! ...at least I hope so!
Yesterday during Vivi's nap I thought I would never feel better. I thought that I was in a funk that I would never recover from. I didn't know how to recharge. Mark listened to and totally heard me and this weekend has turned out to be FANTASTIC.
I had a few chunks of time to myself without feeling like I was totally alone. One was to talk to my dear friend Sara (thanks SO much for calling Sara... it was perfect timing) and one was to lay in bed this morning to write in my journal. I must seem like an incredibly self-reflective person to be blogging to this extent and writing in a journal. Well, I guess it is quite a bit of self-focus, but I don't know that it's a good thing. Perhaps I should just cut this out and go work in a soup kitchen. That would put things into perspective!
Which reminds me, my Aunt Bonnie wrote me an email a few days ago that had a lot of really good points which did help me keep things in perspective (things fell out of perspective a bit later, but it planted a seed!). She is an anthropologist and mentioned that I am some experiencing classic culture shock. It doesn't feel very shocking, but I'm definitely not feeling normal. She also brought up another perspective... and I quote:
"Imagine the immigrant experience -- what if you did not know the language, were discriminated against at every turn once you left the house where you landed, perhaps were exploited for labor (cleaning, housekeeping and worse) with people you were totally dependent on, could not afford any alternative? This is what many people face when they arrive in a new place trying to escape persecution or crisis. We look at the statistics, but none of them has enough education or access to technology to communicate what their lives are like and how they manage to attain their goals, find friends let alone pursue their dreams."
Here I am in a beautiful house with the means to be a stay at home mom and take advantage of all of the educational and cultural things I want to while we're here. I am in an absolutely amazing situation. I get jealous of my friends in Oak Park who are getting together for playgroups every month and watching each other's kids grow up, but I know there are also people who are envious of my chance to travel. The grass is always greener, right? I really do try to keep my eye on the big picture. It helps to have friends and family to gently remind me! Thanks Aunt Bonnie!
After my afternoon blog was written in the garden today I stayed outside and read for about an hour. We are so far north that I've not experienced even the slightest bit of sunburn since we've lived here...until today. Mamacita! I'm a lobster. I have become one of those people I described when we first came to visit London in March. It was a sunny day and people were littered all over Clapham Common just soaking up the sun. Now I completely understand why. It has been raining every single day since May and having two full days of sun, especially during the weekend, was incredible. I stayed out way longer than I should and loved every minute of it. Hopefully I don't peel, but I wouldn't take it back. It was extremely healing. Maybe next time I could just wear sunscreen.
We went to Clapham Common this afternoon when Viv got up from her nap. As we were sitting on the bus I was reflecting about how awesome it is that we were doing that. We decided when we moved here that we wanted to change some habits. One of the habits we wanted to change was that we wanted to do more things. Another was that we wanted to watch less tv. Well, since we moved to Balham we haven't done all that much because we've been really trying to get our house in order, but this weekend we had a lot of fun doing some easy, local, fun things. We also didn't even get cable or a DVR. (We did, but we have decided to send it back.) I'm so proud of us. We're following though! It feels good to follow through!
When we returned from the Common there was a flyer on the floor that had been stuck through our mail slot. It was a home-made ad from our 17 year old neighbor who is looking for babysitting jobs. I told Mark I was going to call her tomorrow. I went upstairs to open our window and she was walking by and looked up at me. So, I asked her if she was the one who gave us the flyer. She was so embarrassed. She said she felt so awkward doing that. She was so cute and seemed so sweet. She's going to come over this week sometime to meet Vivian. I'm going to call her references and check her out. Then... I'm going to recharge myself to full capacity. That flyer on the floor of the entry way was a total answer to my prayers! ...at least I hope so!
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