My sister had a baby

My sister Kristin had a baby yesterday.  Declan Rhys Wurgler O'Brien was born in the morning and is absolutely stunning.

I was able to talk to Kristin shortly after Declan was born and I was completely caught off guard by how emotional I became.  As I was talking to her I heard Declan's squeaky little cry and I lost it.  I started crying so hard.  I got my composure and finished the conversation, but after I hung up I just stood in the middle of my brightly lit kitchen sobbing for quite a long time.  If my neighbours happened to look down into my kitchen windows, I'm sure they would have been quite curious about why I was just standing there crying.

I cried because I am so happy that he is here safe and healthy.  And that my sister is safe and healthy.  I cried because I realised how amazing it is that he is so new and will one day be 5 months like Violet and 3 years like Vivian.  All of that potential and possibility is stored up in his tiny squeaky little self.  I cried because I feel for Kristin and Austin.  They are embarking on the most trying and emotional and difficult and amazing journey of their life.  It is absolutely brutal sometimes and sometimes it's carefree, fun and beautiful.  I also cried a lot because I am so incredibly disappointed to be so incredibly far away from people I love so incredibly much.  It's heart-wrenching.  Truly heart-wrenching.

I'm glad we're here.  I know I'm learning and growing and evolving and improving, but man is it sad to miss out on important things happening to my family!  I keep trying to Seize the Day here.  I try to not dwell on what I'm missing out on but what I'm able to do.  I'm usually quite good at that.  Lately it's been challenging.  And, not only because I'm always exhausted.  It's because I truly, truly, truly wish I was home, holding my new nephew and smelling his gorgeous long, dark hair!

Emily's next.  I hope I recover from this sob session by the time my niece arrives!